Love Sick
by flying at tree level
Summary: Logan Mitchell is young, shy and a bit naive. He feels a void in his life that he can't explain, but he thinks he can fill it once Kendall Knight, the most popular boy in school starts paying attention to him.
1. Chapter 1

**So this is a new fic. The first two chapters might seem a bit text heavy but it's all important to the story. I promise there'll be a lot more dialogue in the future chapters. Okay.**

**I don't own Big Time Rush.**

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For the longest time Logan Mitchell didn't know he had a father. It had always been just him and his mother and that was all he'd ever needed, in the beginning at least. The weird thing about his relationship with his mom was that even after everything that happened he could never bring himself to be mad at her. He never blamed her for what she did, not then and not now. Whenever he thought about his mother the only memories that came to mind were the good ones, like playing in the snow during Christmastime or staying up late at night eating ice cream and watching cartoon movies. That was probably why he still loved her and missed her after all these years. All of the bad stuff in his mind was just a blur of memories that would only resurface ever so often. For instance, the reason why Logan couldn't stand being confined in small spaces for too long, or why he was afraid of the dark sometimes even at age fifteen, was due to the memory of himself being locked inside a closet for two hours as a child. And whenever Logan would find himself at home alone for too long, even though he knew it was irrational, he couldn't help but remember all those times his mom had "gone to the store" only to not return until hours later, and it would lead him to wonder if he was being abandoned again.

Of course all the trauma he'd endured in his childhood happened years ago, and he'd managed to get past most of it now. With his father's help he was given everything he needed to grow into a seemingly well-adjusted teenage boy.

He had a stable home with two parental figures, a bed and a roof over his head, an older brother who was his protector, and basically anything else he could have wanted. His life right now had taken a huge turn in comparison to the eight years he spent in the care of his mother who, in her defense, was fairly young when she had him. She was only nineteen years old with no experience in raising a child and she had no one to help her. Logan doesn't like to think of his mother as a bad person. He likes to think that in the beginning she really did want to keep him and that whatever it was that drove them apart was out of anyone's control.

He used to miss her a lot when he first moved in with his father, which was odd because she'd stopped being kind and caring towards him a long time ago. But he remembered crying late at night just at the thought of her. For weeks he was quiet and distant towards everyone in his new house, this new family he was all of a sudden a part of. You couldn't blame him for being confused when he'd gone his whole life not having a dad and then all of a sudden finding out he did have one, and not only that but a stepbrother and stepmother as well.

What Logan hated the most was that now he couldn't seem to remember much about his mother at all. Even the last time he'd seen her was still fuzzy in his mind. He remembered that morning when he'd tried waking her up and she wouldn't move. And he remembered sitting with her for five minutes before he realized he needed to go get help. But everything after that had just happened so fast. At the time Logan had no idea that that would be one of the last times he would see his mother and he'd never even gotten the chance to say goodbye.

The reason Logan never knew he had a father was because his mother had purposely kept it a secret. Because, based on an agreement she'd made with his parents, Clark Mitchell was never supposed to find out he had a child. Logan's mother had accepted ten thousand dollars worth of hush money from the Mitchells in order to keep quiet about the pregnancy, disappear and never speak to him again. It hadn't been much of a loss for her at the time since when she'd found out she was pregnant she and Clark had gone over a month without speaking to each other. Logan's mother only broke the agreement and told him the truth about Logan after she'd lost custody of him. It was to save him from being put into the care of a stranger and it was probably the only good thing she'd ever done for him.

By then Dr. Mitchell had married a woman, Brooke Diamond-Mitchell who'd already had a son from a previous marriage. Logan would never forget how nervous he was the day he met his father. At first glance Clark was sort of intimidating. He was tall and he was very professional about everything. But he was also very kind-hearted and all he wanted to do was make things right with his son, the boy he never even knew existed. The first few months of living in the Mitchell house he spoiled Logan to death, just to show him how a Mitchell boy was supposed to live. He made sure that Logan knew that whatever his mother had done to him was in the past and that he would never have to live like that again. Eventually Logan got comfortable in his new home but it did take a while.

The first few nights were the hardest. Whenever he would ask about his mom he was always told that the reason he couldn't stay with her anymore was because she was sick and she needed to get better. So Logan had always believed that his mom was gonna get better and then she was gonna come back for him. And even though he liked his new family, this was what he wanted more than anything.

But one summer night in the middle of August, it dawned on Logan that his mother wasn't coming back for him. Three years had already passed and he hadn't heard from her. She hadn't even called to make sure he was okay and that the Mitchells were treating him right. Of course they were, but she didn't know that. Logan's stepmother, Brooke held no qualms about the sudden new addition to their family. She treated him the same way she treated James, which wasn't always a good thing because she had a tendency to be a little overbearing, but really it was just her own way of showing him that she accepted him. And James didn't mind it so much either. In the beginning Logan thought he did because at first Brooke was always forcing them to do stuff together. Every time James wanted to go out and play with his friends he always had to take Logan with him. James was always a good sport about it but Logan thought it must have been irritating for him. So usually he just sat on a curb and watched or read a book while James and the other neighborhood kids played street hockey or whatever else.

But the night of his eleventh birthday, Logan realized that another birthday had gone past and he still hadn't heard from his mom. It had been three years already; she had to have been better by then right? Logan actually started to worry that something must have happened to her. She'd never been very good at taking of herself, he noted, recalling all those times he'd found her passed out in her bedroom, or the last time he'd seen her when she was being taken away in an ambulance. So he started to cry thinking of all the awful things that could have happened to her and he even started to feel guilty for leaving her, for being so happy with his new family. But then as the night progressed Logan didn't know what to think anymore. He couldn't remember what the reasoning was for him being taken away from his mother. Had she given him up voluntarily or was it because she was forced to? What would he do if he found out this whole time she was alive and happy without him?

"Logan?" Logan sniffled and quickly wiped his eyes when he heard someone enter the doorway of his bedroom. He looked up and saw that it was James. "What are you doing up here?"

He shrugged and buried his face into his pillows, not wanting James to know that he'd been crying.

"There's still some cake left downstairs if you want any," James offered.

"No thanks," Logan mumbled. James could tell that he was upset. He usually got this way every year on his birthday, and even though he'd never told him James had a pretty good idea why. But he wouldn't come out and say so unless Logan did first.

"Well hey how about we go test out your new telescope then. Didn't Dr. C say Androma-…whatever was visible tonight or something?"

Logan murmured "no" in a voice that was barely audible and kept his head underneath the pillows.

"Come on. You know you want to…" James baited.

Maybe Logan really did want to. He had to admit the telescope his dad bought him was pretty cool. It was just like the ones real astronomers used in space and it must have cost his dad over a thousand dollars. But Logan had a tendency to be very stubborn when he felt like sulking.

James sighed. "Then just tell me what's wrong. Loges it's your birthday, you should be happy."

Logan was quiet for a good five minutes during which time James was very patient with him. At the time Logan was never able to appreciate how nice James was to him because he always thought it was just because he felt sorry for him. He always thought about how if it wasn't for their parents there really wouldn't be anything between them.

"It's my birthday…again" Logan started, then swallowed hard. "It's been three years and she still doesn't call. Do you think something happened to her?"

"If it did I'm sure you would know about it."

"Then why doesn't she call me? Or write me or ever come to visit?"

Whenever Logan brought up his mom James always got this guilty look on his face like he knew something that Logan didn't but couldn't tell him. Sometimes Logan wished that he would just come out and say what he was thinking.

"You shouldn't get upset about stuff like that Logan. It's been three years. If she wanted to be here she'd be here," James told him. But the moment he said it and saw the look on Logan's face he wished he hadn't.

"She's never coming back for me is she?" Logan deadpanned.

"I didn't mean it like that."

Logan sighed, retreating back to hiding place underneath the pillows, suddenly wanting to be left alone.

"Hey if it makes you feel better, I kinda hope she doesn't come back. I mean I've gotten pretty used to having you around. And I'm sure my mom has too. And I know your dad would be pretty bummed if you left…"

Logan sniffled."Yeah…right."

"No, I mean it. I've always kind of wanted a little brother."

Logan blinked at James, surprised that he had called them brothers, that James actually thought of him as a brother. "You mean stepbrother?"

James shrugged. "Same thing."

Logan smiled. He thought it was funny how James admitting to him that he always wanted a brother made him realize that in some way he had always wanted one too. It was like one of those things that you get that you didn't even know you wanted until it was sitting across from you and staring you in the face, and then all of a sudden it's the best thing in the world. Or maybe all along what Logan wanted was a family and now he finally had that. It didn't matter if James wasn't related by blood.

"Thanks James."

"So do you wanna try out your new telescope now or what?"

Logan grinned from ear to ear, and he was out the door before James even got a chance to move.

James helped a lot with Logan getting over his mom's absence and over the years the two of them grew to be really close. If Logan ever felt like he didn't have anyone else in the world, the one person he knew he would always be able to count on was James. Logan would never admit to this but secretly he relied on the older boy a lot. He liked to pretend that he could be independent, make his own friends and do things by himself but truthfully he needed James. Because James had always been the one good, consistently positive influence in his life. He never disappeared for long periods of time and Logan never felt like he was being annoying when he wanted to talk to him. Logan didn't know if it was because of Brooke always urging them to be closer together, but for whatever reason James had always made sure to look after Logan. Maybe it was because James had seen how he was when he first moved in with them, how he was so small because he was slightly malnourished and how shy he was because of the way he'd been raised. Logan always got the feeling that James knew things about him that he didn't or that he knew things about Logan that Logan knew but didn't know he knew. There was something that made James feel like he needed to protect him. So he did, so much that Logan became accustomed to it.

And Logan needed that. He needed to know that things weren't gonna change one day and suddenly he'd be all alone again. But being watched over so carefully did have its downsides because people tended to _over_protect Logan. And he'll admit, it was partially his fault with the way he let them do it. But sometimes Logan wondered if he would spend the rest of his life being protected by people. Or being protected by everyone except the one person he wished would have protected him in the beginning.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you to everyone that favorited/followed this story and to the people who reviewed :) So here's chapter 2.**

**I don't own BTR but I wish I did.**

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The only reason Kendall agreed to his job in the tutoring center was because he was one of the few seniors in Duluth High who had more than one free study hall period, and because Kelly, the school's guidance counselor insisted he do some last minute resume packing for his scholarship application, which also required him to complete a total of 30 hours of community service to even be eligible for it. But that was only a small price to pay considering what he had to gain if he actually got the scholarship, given that he'd be awarded a full free ride to any university of his choice.

And Kendall understood what that would mean for him in the long term. Because unlike most kids in his school, he was always thinking ahead and planning for the future. He understood how the world worked and how you couldn't expect anyone to do you any favors. Ten years from now if you wanted to be somebody important, if you had a goal for yourself that you wanted to reach you had to set yourself up for it ahead of time. He knew that everything he did now was gonna affect him in the long run, either in a good way or a bad way.

This was what most of the people at Duluth High didn't realize but fortunately for him this just made his job a whole lot easier. Because if you didn't care about stupid stuff like grades or getting into college then you probably weren't gonna care about tutoring. So Kendall got free community service hours just for sitting in a room doing nothing. Occasionally someone would come in requesting his services, usually just kids who were sent by their teachers. Or freshman girls who didn't really need help but just liked to pretend they did so they could try to flirt with him (which was a lot more annoying than it sounds). Kendall did take his job seriously whenever someone really needed help though, mostly because he could never stand to half ass anything he did. In his mind he had to be the best at everything and he'd never let somebody else's stupidity reflect badly on him.

But lately there was one person in particular who kept showing up over and over. It seemed like no matter how much time Kendall spent going over his homework and quizzes with him, he didn't seem to be getting it because he always came back. It was his friend's younger brother so Kendall didn't really mind at first. Kendall had known Logan for almost as long as he'd known James. Over the years he'd eaten dinner with the Mitchells plenty of times and even gone on vacation with them once or twice. Logan had always been kind of a quiet kid so Kendall never really paid much attention to him though. He'd always sort of just been around whenever he was hanging out with James.

The first time Logan stopped by for tutoring everything seemed normal. Kendall was reading a book he needed to finish before fourth period when he heard a soft knock on the door. He looked up and saw a dark haired boy of medium height enter the room.

"Umm, my teacher Mrs. Hill sent me. I need some help with geometry."

Kendall smiled at the younger boy. "Lucky for you I happen to be really good at geometry. "

Kendall gestured for him to have a seat across from him. He helped him go through his quiz, which he had failed terribly, and then they worked on homework until the end of the period. The whole time Kendall was explaining it to him he seemed to be getting it and he even thanked him afterwards.

Kendall figured that would be the last he'd see of Logan for a while, or at least for a week because people didn't usually come back right after tutoring. But he showed up again the next day and again the next day, and again and again after that. And often times Kendall would end up explaining the same things to him over and over again. Their little meetings were getting to be a bit redundant.

The only reason it was so odd was because Kendall knew how smart Logan was. Often times James wouldn't shut up about what a genius his brother was. And not just that, Kendall could tell by the way he didn't have to dumb things down in order to explain them to him.

The more time Kendall spent with Logan the more he started to notice things about him. Kendall noticed that lately he seemed more nervous around him than usual, like there was something he wanted but he was too afraid to come out and say what it was. Kendall figured that whatever it was, it was the reason why he kept coming back for tutoring when he obviously didn't need it. So all he had to do was find out what it was and get him to admit it.

The next time Logan came by, after twenty minutes they stopped to take a break. Logan left to go to the bathroom and Kendall noticed he had left his notebook open. He began glancing through his notes without giving it a second thought, flipping past pages of equations and math notes. There were a lot of doodles scribbled in the margins and on one page in particular he noticed something. Among his doodles there were words written that appeared to have been scribbled out._  
_

_Logan Knight_

_Logan Phillip Knight_

_Logan Mitchell-Knight_.

Kendall raised an eyebrow as he studied the page. Suddenly things started to make a bit more sense. All those times when Kendall had felt Logan looking at him and he'd turn to face him only to see him blush and turn away. Or how he'd tense up whenever Kendall sat too close to him and sometimes even get so nervous he'd start stuttering. Kendall didn't know why he didn't think of it before. At first he had just chalked it up to normal teenage awkwardness. It never occurred to him that Logan might have a crush on him but now that he thought of it, it made perfect sense.

At least now that he knew what the deal was he knew how to handle it. He would just have to let him down easy, tell him that he was flattered but not interested. It wouldn't be too hard since letting people down easy was one of the many things he happened to be really good at.

When Logan came back from the bathroom Kendall had already turned his notebook back to the way it was and was sitting patiently. "Sorry about that," he said.

"No worries," Kendall said, giving him an easy smile.

"So where were we?"

"Let's take a break," Kendall said.

"But we just took a break?"

Kendall grabbed his backpack and placed it on his desk. He reached inside and pulled out a small handheld camera. "I'm supposed to do these video interviews for my journalism class for the video yearbook. Do you mind? I need someone from each grade."

"You want to interview me?"

"It'll take two minutes."

"Okay I guess," Logan said. As soon as the camera was turned on him he turned away though, and started fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.

"Um you're gonna have to look into the camera Logie," Kendall told him.

"Oh sorry," Logan blushed and looked forward.

"It's okay. Alright, two questions. First state your name and grade."

"Logan Mitchell, grade nine."

"If you could visit anywhere in the world, regardless of cost, where would you want to go and why?"

Logan gave it a moment's worth of thought before he came up with an answer. "Um, the Great Lakes Aquarium."

"Really?" Kendall paused the camera to regard the younger boy. "You can go anywhere in the world and you don't even want to leave the state? You want to go downtown and look at fish?"

Logan shrugged. "I like Minnesota."

Kendall couldn't wrap his head around anyone wanting to stay in Minnesota. Any plans he had for after graduation involved moving as far away as possible. He pressed play on the camera and continued recording. "So the Great Lakes Aquarium. Does it hold sentimental value to you or something?"

"Uh no, I've never been there...I just really want to meet a manatee." When Kendall gave him an odd look he added, "Have you ever seen one up close? They're humongous."

Kendall wasn't sure how to react to that; but he had put it so simply it was almost cute the way he said it. "Okay and last question. Your favorite sports team here at Duluth High."

"Easy. Hockey."

Kendall smiled. "Good answer. Do you play?"

"No. I go to all of your games though," he said. Then added, "You know, because of my brother."

"Cool." Kendall shut off the camera and started putting it back in its case to let him the interview was over. "Thanks."

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Pretty soon the bell rang for both of them to get to their next class. Kendall decided to just let it go for now since he had other things he needed to worry about. Not the speech he was supposed to give three months from now at the Scholastic Excellence Awards dinner for his scholarship (no, he'd already written it weeks ago, the day he found out about it.) And he was pretty much caught up on most of his coursework. He found that he had a lot more time on his hands these days since his girlfriend, Jo, decided they needed to take a break from each other at the beginning of the school year. It wasn't because they'd stopped liking each other or because they realized they no longer had time for a relationship. It was because of something Kendall had done, or something she believed that he did, even though Kendall would swear that it never happened.

But he doesn't really remember much about the night in question. Just that it was near the end of the summer, Jo was at cheerleading camp and he was at a party where he was a little bit drunk. And he somehow ended up in a closet with a girl whose name he doesn't even remember. Jo had found out about it pretty quickly because she came back a week later and told Kendall she never wanted to speak to him again. She hadn't even given him a chance to explain himself.

Kendall admits he didn't really take her seriously at the time. He knew she'd be pissed but he didn't think she would actually break up with him over it. But now three months had gone by and she was still playing him hot and cold. One minute they were hanging out again, trying to work things out and the next she "wasn't ready to jump back into a relationship with him yet" because she "couldn't trust him".

He didn't know why he was still so hung up on her after all this time or why he was letting her make him jump through so many hoops to win her back. Maybe it was because he really did love her? For whatever reason, he just wasn't ready to let her go yet. He knew that eventually she'd come back to him and he figured she knew it too and that was why she was doing all of this. But everyone else seemed to think differently. Everyone else thought that he and Jo were over for good and Kendall, for some reason, felt this strange need to prove all of them wrong. To prove that he could win Jo back if he really wanted to, and that was exactly what he was going to do.

They were supposed to meet up at a party later that night. Kendall had a shift at Lucky Mart but he told Jo he would stop by afterwards around 10 p.m. He didn't really like going to parties much anymore. He'd only gone to the one before because it was the end of summer and he didn't have anything better to do. Jo had a lot to do with the reason why he no longer felt the need to hang out at high school parties.

Kendall and Jo had known each other since they were kids but they didn't start going together until their junior year. Kendall remembers how the idea of going after the mayor's daughter had seemed like such a good idea at the time. He liked the fact that her name had a status behind it that made her seem almost unattainable, at least to everyone else. Not to Kendall, who saw something he wanted and immediately went after it.

Jo was a virgin when they first started dating and Kendall had a slew of over twenty of his classmates under his belt, mostly girls and a few guys. It was twenty-two to be exact and it was a number that slightly bothered him. Kendall didn't go to parties to drink like everyone else did. Instead he'd find himself pretending to be interested in someone to get them to sleep with him, knowing he had no intentions of really getting to know them. Sometimes he'd try to see if he could have a relationship with someone beyond sex but it never really worked out that way. Most people he found to be really boring and too much like everyone else. It was easy enough to find someone to sleep with but to love them? Kendall wasn't even sure he believed in love.

At least maybe not until Jo came into the picture. He could tell right away that she wasn't like all the other girls at school. Not only was she smart and beautiful, but she also had standards and morals. He knew she wasn't just going to sleep with him right away and that just made her more attractive to him. She was the girl that everyone wanted but were all afraid to go after because of who her father was. But when he said that every guy wanted her, he meant that literallyevery guy wanted her. Even James had spent the greater part of his adolescence pining over her. Kendall could remember a time where Jo was all he could talk about. It was actually around seventh grade, before the summer where James had hit puberty and morphed into some kind of grecian god. Before that he had been a chubby eleven year old with a painful crush on one of the most popular girls in school. Jo was the first girl James ever liked and she was the first girl to ever turn him down, leaving a permanent scar on his heart that Kendall was pretty sure he still carried around to this day.

Kendall didn't understand why James never tried going after her again, not even after he became popular. He figured part of it had to do with the damage she'd done to his self esteem so long ago. But that had been forever ago and he knew that James still liked her, even though there'd been plenty of other girls since then. Kendall figured that was just the problem with people who didn't know how to go after the things they wanted.

His relationship with Jo did spark a rivalry between the two boys but it was no different than the rivalries they'd had since they were kids. They had an odd friendship in that way. Growing up they were always acting as each other's competitors. They were the only two best friends who always had to be on opposite sides whenever everyone was picking teams to play sports. It wasn't because they didn't like each other, it was just the way their relationship was. They both had a really competitive nature and they both hated losing.

It wasn't exactly coincidence when right around the time Kendall decided to ask out Jo, James decided he wanted to go out for the position of hockey captain, the position that Kendall had worked hard for all of his junior year. They were both viable options and really the position could have gone to either of them, but nobody on the team wanted to deal with the drama and bickering that was sure to come from pitting the two of them against each other.

But in the end Kendall gave up the position and let James have it, even though it was what he really wanted. And he kept dating Jo even though he knew James probably wanted her way more than he cared about being hockey captain. It was weird but that was just the way things turned out.

Jo was good for Kendall and the two of them had been good together. Kendall realized right away how different he was when he was with her. He'd always felt like she made him a better person, like he was smarter and more driven to succeed. They both had plans to apply to Stanford and move to California in the fall, should they get accepted. But now that they were "broken up" Kendall realized it would be awkward going off to college together. But Stanford had been Kendall's first choice school since freshman year, when he first started planning for college, mostly because of its location. He liked the idea of going someplace sunny and beautiful for a change, which was the opposite of Minnesota. He'd gotten bored with Minnesota pretty early on; something about staying in the same place with the same people he'd known since grade school didn't really appeal to him.

So him moving to California in the fall wasn't really dependent on his relationship status with Jo. That had just been an added bonus, that they both shared the same dreams. At the time Kendall had taken it as a sign that he and Jo's relationship was a good thing for him, that it was good how she was able to keep him so motivated. So why did he have to go and ruin it?

It was a mistake, maybe, that he decided to drink at that party. The reason Kendall didn't drink was because he was sort of a lightweight. And he hated the effects of alcohol. He hated feeling like he didn't have control over his body or his mind, or like he couldn't control what was happening around him. He could control the people around him and how they perceived him if he was sober. And when he was sober he knew how to get away with things because he was always careful. But if he was drunk he could do something stupid and not only that but get caught doing it.

But whatever. He could fix this thing with Jo soon enough and get her to stop being mad at him. And everything would go back to normal, the way it was supposed to be. He figured it was only just a matter of time.

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**So yeah there's some Jendall in the beginning of the story but I promise it's only temporary and it's important to plot. The next chapter should be up soon. And in case you're wondering kogan stuff will probably start happening in like the fourth or fifth chapter.**

**Thx for reading! Leave a review!**


	3. Chapter 3

"So are you gonna tell me who it is or not?" Camille prodded. They were lying on the floor in Logan's bedroom doing homework. Or rather Logan was trying to do his homework and Camille was distracting him. He didn't know why he bothered ever trying to study with her in the first place since they never got any work done.

"I can't," he told her. "At least not yet."

"Why not?" she pouted.

"Because it's a secret," he said. "And it's kind of embarrassing. It's not like he'd ever like me back anyways."

"So I finally get you to admit that you have a crush on someone and you won't even tell me who it is? You suck."

Logan just shrugged and turned his attention back to his homework. "Hey what'd you put for number six?"

"Wha-" Logan looked over and saw that Camille's book wasn't even open anymore and she had her phone out, texting.

He sighed. "Never mind."

"Will you at least tell me what he looks like?"

"You're not gonna let this go are you?"

"Nope."

"Fine, I'll tell you what he looks like and you can try to guess who it is. And if you get it right I'll tell you."

"Okay!" she agreed, with a grin. She was sort of creeping him out with how excited she was about all this.

"Alright, umm, he's tall. And blond...and he's really, really, smart."

Camille paused to think for a moment, running through a list of guys in her head. "Drew Gallagher?"

"The swimmer? Uh, no, I said he was _smart_. And besides, he's not in our grade."

"Oooooh an older man," she teased. Logan rolled his eyes. "You know if you just tell me who it is I could probably help you. I could found out if he's seeing anybody."

"I'm pretty sure he's not. I think he and his girlfriend broke up over the summer..."

"Then why don't you just go for it?"

"Because he'd never be interested in me. He barely even noticed I existed before this year and even now we're only _sort of_ talking," he said. If you could even call it 'talking' if the only reason they were doing it was because he was tutoring him. "And besides, I don't even think he likes guys. It's just a stupid crush and it doesn't mean anything."

Logan had been trying to convince himself of this more than anything. That his feelings for his brother's best friend weren't anything special and didn't go beyond slight admiration from afar. It was okay to find someone attractive and want to be around them all the time and it didn't have to mean you were in love with them. As long as it wasn't love it didn't matter whether the other person felt the same way or not. And they could go on coexisting peacefully and Logan wouldn't have to get his hopes up over something that was never going to happen.

"But maybe he does like you and you're just too afraid to find out. Maybe if you just follow your heart for once it'll all work out. And maybe we'll both have boyfriends this year."

"I thought you were done with boys after last summer?" he asked. The whole reason Logan was failing math was because of Camille and her stupid boy drama. Logan had geometry during the same period Camille had study hall with the guy who had broken up with her over the summer _and _the girl he'd dumped her for. Camille couldn't stand seeing them being all cute and coupley together so she started blowing off her morning class and Logan, being the good friend he was, went with her. And then it sort of turned into a habit.

When Logan's teacher told him that his grade was suffering due to his lack of attendance, going for tutoring had been her idea. Logan had spotted Kendall in the tutoring center more than once, but for some reason it never occurred to him that going for tutoring meant that he and Kendall would be working together, alone in a room. That he'd finally been given a reason to talk to him that didn't involve James.

It really only took a day for Kendall to help him get caught up in his class. And Logan knew it was stupid to keep going back so many times, and that he was just digging himself in deeper and deeper. He still kept the notes Kendall had given him to help him do better on his next test, folded in a drawer in his nightstand with Kendall's perfect writing on them. Logan thought about how easily Kendall could make him blush just by looking at him. Yeah, he was in a little too deep.

"Did I say that? I meant that I was done with _that boy_ in particular, not boys in general," Camille informed him.

"Right."

"So what grade is he in?"

"He's a senior," Logan accidentally let slip. He knew once he told her that she'd figure it out.

"Wait...it's not Kendall Knight is it?" The slight tint on Logan's cheeks at the mention of his name pretty much gave her her answer. "Oh my god. Well that makes sense. Everyone's in love with Kendall."

"I'm not in _love_ with him. I just think he's cute..."

"..and smart and perfect," she teased. "You totally love him."

"Can we talk about something else please? Like this biology test we're supposed to be studying for?"

Camille glanced at her watch. "Actually...I have to go."

"But we barely even started. What was the point of you even coming over here?"

She shrugged. "So we could hang out. And so I could get you to tell me who you were in love with," she smirked.

Logan ignored her last comment and stood up while she started putting on her coat. "Do you really have to go?"

"Yeah I have a late dance rehearsal. I was actually supposed to be there ten minutes ago. Sorry Loges."

"Oh, it's okay." Logan followed her down the stairs and to the front door. "So I guess I'll see you at school?"

"Yup. Bye Logan," she said and then she rushed out the door.

As soon as he shut the door behind her, Logan sighed. It wasn't really that he didn't want her to go, he just hated how empty his house was sometimes. Logan's father was a kind of famous doctor/medical researcher of sorts who did a lot of humanitarian work. Meaning he spent a lot of time in third world countries developing new ways to bring nutrition to sick children and working with organizations to bring awareness to the issues. Logan understood how important his dad's job was but he hated how he had to spend so much time away from home. And Brooke was a bit of a workaholic too so she was always gone a lot too.

Even James, who would normally be around to hang out with him, had become unavailable since he and Lucy officially became an item. Logan could tell that Lucy wasn't like all the other girls James had dated because for one thing, James never dated a girl for more than a week. And now it had been almost a month and they were still together, hanging out almost every single night. It was weird seeing his brother in an actual relationship for once, but Logan had to admit James did look happy.

And he liked seeing his brother happy, but Logan didn't understand why they had to spend _literally every second _of every day together. Because if James spent all of his time with Lucy then where would that leave him? Maybe he'd just have to get used to the fact that he couldn't be the only important person in James' life anymore.

Logan stopped on his way to his bedroom when he heard the sound of the house phone ringing. But when he picked up he was met with nothing but silence on the other end. _That was weird_, he thought. He realized this was the third time this week someone had called their house and not said anything when he picked up. And it always happened seemed to happen to him when he was at home alone. It was probably just a prank caller, he figured. He hung up the phone and went back upstairs to his room to finish studying.

* * *

The party where Kendall was supposed to meet Jo that night was happening at Mercedes Griffin's house. He and Mercedes didn't really get along too well but they were "friends", sort of by default. Because Kendall was the only one who knew what Mercedes looked like before she got her nose job (and had photographic evidence) and she was the only one who really knew about Kendall's past habit of promiscuity.

He'd been tired by the time he'd gotten off work so he hoped he wouldn't have to stay long. But so far he'd been there twenty minutes and there was no sign of Jo. If this was another one of her ploys to try and screw with his head he was about to be very, justifiably pissed off.

"What are you doing here Knight? I thought you were too cool to hang out with us now," Mercedes joked.

"I'm supposed to be meeting Jo here, have you seen her?"

"Maybe..."

"Just maybe?"

She shrugged. "How badly do you wanna know?"

Kendall rolled his eyes. "Look I'm not in the mood for your bullshit okay? A simple yes or no will be fine."

"Jeeze you're so touchy lately. What do you bother with that for anyway? I mean what is so special about Jo Taylor that she could turn _you_ of all people into some pathetic, lovesick puppy."

"Well you're her best friend, you should know."

Mercedes responded by downing the rest of her drink. "Whatever. I've known you way longer than I've known her. And yet somehow you and I've never..."

She started edging closer to him, a little too close for his liking. Kendall remembered why he usually liked to avoid Mercedes after she'd been drinking, because occasionally she'd forget that the two of them didn't like each other. "Umm. Just so we're clear, any touching that happens between you and I won't be happening without the aid of a ten foot pole."

"And that is exactly why Jo dumped you. Because you're a jerk."

"She didn't dump me," he pointed out defensively. "And you're drunk so I'm gonna forgive you for saying that and pretend this conversation never happened."

"Well, do you want to know where she is or not? I'll give you a hint. She's not here.." she sing-songed.

"She left?"

"Yeah I saw her getting in the car with this guy..."

"What guy?"

"I don't know, just some guy. I didn't see his face. But they left about half an hour ago."

Part of Kendall hoped that Mercedes was just being obnoxious and trying to mess with him as usual, but something told him that she was telling the truth. And that Jo was the one who was screwing him over this time. "Are you sure that's what you saw?"

"Yes, I swear. What reason would I have to lie to you?" she said, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Kendall, this might be hard for you to hear but maybe it's time you moved on. It looks like she already has."

Kendall shrugged her off. He decided he wouldn't believe it until he saw it for himself, or until she came out and told him. Kendall left the party and headed to Jo's house where he figured she'd be, but he was becoming more and more disturbed as he went. The thought that the guy she left with could possibly be there with her wasn't exactly comforting to him. If there was one way for Jo to try to mess with his head, it would be to play on the fact that Kendall got jealous really easily.

Fifteen minutes later he was on her doorstep. Jo didn't look surprised at all to see him when she opened the door. "I figured you would show up here eventually."

"Are you gonna let me in?"

She crossed her arms over chest. "I don't know if that's such a good idea."

Before she could shut the door on him Kendall put his hand out, stopping the door from shutting. "Please? Can we just talk for a second?"

Jo softened a little at his tone and sighed. "Fine, come in."

Kendall walked into the living room and took a look around the room. To his relief he found that it was empty. "There's no one here?"

"...Were you expecting someone?"

"The guy you left the party with. Mercedes said she saw you..."

"Oh you mean Dak? He was just giving me a ride home." When Kendall just looked at her, slightly skeptical she added, "You do know he's gay right? Figures you'd only show up here because you were jealous."

"That's not the only reason I'm here. Why do you keep blowing me off?" he asked.

Kendall sat down on the couch and she sat down beside him, curling her legs up underneath her.

"Kendall...I left the party because I wasn't sure if I could see you yet. Because I've been doing a lot of thinking and I think I want us to get back together."

Kendall furrowed his brows. That made literally no sense to him. "Okay...then what's the problem?"

"I just don't know if we're ready. It feels like it's too soon."

"It's been three months. What do I have to do to prove to you that you can trust me?"

"Kendall, when we first started dating people warned me about you. They said that I should be careful because you use people. I wasn't sure what to believe, but I believed you because I thought that what we had was different. You made me feel like I was special."

"You are," he said.

Jo smiled and looked down at her lap, nervously wringing her hands together. "I want to try this again. But it has to be different this time. No more screwing around."

"Okay."

"I mean it Kendall. Don't embarrass me like that ever again."

"Alright, are you finished?" Kendall grabbed her hands so she'd stop wringing them and she let out a breath.

"Yes, I'm finished. Do we understand each other?"

"Yes. Now can we stop all this going back and forth?"

Jo nodded and scooted closer to him, letting him pull her against his chest. "Kendall why do you want to get back together so badly anyway?"

"Because we're good together," he said, like it was simple.

"I suppose we are..." she pondered. "Is that the only reason?"

Kendall could hear the hopeful tone in her voice. And he knew what she was expecting, that she wanted him to tell her it was because he loved her. He could have just came out and said it but what would be the point of that if he wasn't even sure he meant it. Just to make her happy?

"And I missed you. A lot," he said, which was true. He really did miss her when they were broken up.

Jo smiled. She seemed to deem this an acceptable answer. "Yeah. I missed you too."

* * *

**So I wanted to post this last night after I finished writing it but I was too lazy to proofread it. But anyway, leave a review and tell me what you think! **

**And just FYI the next chapter probably won't be up until this weekend because I have a lot of exams this week. Wish me luck!(pray for me)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you to everyone who wished me luck on my exams. They went a lot better than I expected!**

**Okay so something kinda big happens in this chapter. I don't want to spoil you but there's a lot of kogan~ And it's kind of a long chapter. It's the longest one I've written so far so that was part of the reason why it took me so long to update.**

**But anyways, here we go. I don't own BTR.**

* * *

Getting back together with Jo meant having lots of "relationship" talks. Meaning Kendall did a lot of nodding and agreeing with whatever she said just so she would stop talking. Kendall was just waiting for when things would get back to normal between the two of them so they could get back to the good part of their relationship. Jo was still hesitant about kissing him or letting him be affectionate with her, which to a degree was fine with Kendall. He wasn't going to push her into something she wasn't ready for and he was willing to do whatever it took to make her happy again.

At least he was until he found out some very disturbing news.

He and Jo were in one of the dressing rooms behind the auditorium, which used to be their meeting place back when they first started dating. Jo always had access to the room because she'd been costume director of the drama club since sophomore year. She was the one who'd texted him to meet up there during lunch, but Kendall didn't really understand why since all they used to do whenever they met up there was make out and lately she seemed so adamant about _not_ doing that. But maybe she was finally coming around.

When he got to the room she was already there sitting down on one of the tables. Out of habit he leaned in to kiss her when he greeted her and to his surprise she didn't turn away. But he pressed his lips against her cheek instead and sat down beside her.

"I brought you some food," he said. He held two sandwiches and two bottles of juice and gave her one of each.

She smiled. "Thanks."

"So...what'd you want to talk about?"

"Actually, I was thinking we'd skip the talking for once."

"Really?"

She shrugged. "I figured we've done enough of it in the past few days."

"Then why'd you ask me to meet you here?"

"Because this is our place. And because we're all alone here..."

Kendall got was she was hinting at when she moved closer to rest her face against his shoulder, smiling up at him sweetly. "You mean I'm actually allowed to kiss you now?"

Jo rolled her eyes. She grabbed him by his jacket and pulled him in so their lips met. For some reason kissing her felt differently this time. Like he was dating somebody completely new and he had to be super careful because he didn't know how far she was willing to let him go. The kiss was gentle and he'd barely touched her, but she still stopped him. "Kendall wait..." she said, pulling away from him and she sighed. Kendall looked at her strangely because she was acting kind of odd. "Before this goes any further between us, I have to tell you something."

"Can't it wait?"

"Kendall I kissed James," she blurted.

"What?"

"Well actually he kissed me. And it wasn't really a _kiss_-kiss, it was more of a peck really."

Kendall wasn't sure how to react so he just sort of stared at her, dumbfounded for a moment.

"_Wow_, I am so glad I finally got that off my chest," she said, awkwardly.

"You _kissed _James? When did this happen?"

"It was after we broke up. I was upset and he was trying to comfort me and it just sort of happened...are you mad?"

"I don't know, Jo. You kissed my best friend."

"He kissed me!"

"Right, whatever."

Jo let out a frustrated groan. "I knew you were gonna get like this. You should be glad I'm even telling you. James told me not to because he said you would overreact and I'm starting to think he was right."

Kendall just shook his head. He didn't know who he should be more upset with, James or Jo. Probably James but he had a habit of misdirecting his anger whenever he was upset about something. And when he was jealous it was really the only thing he could think about. "I just need some time to process this okay?"

"Can't you just forget about it? Remember like you said, let's just go back to the way things were," she tried, taking his hand.

Kendall pulled away, out of her grasp. "Um, I just remembered I have to go talk to Kelly about something."

"But lunch isn't even over yet."

Just then the bell rang and Kendall let out a sigh of relief.

"Never mind. Saved by the bell," Jo muttered.

"I'll see you around, Jo." Kendall said. And he left the room.

* * *

Kendall thought that maybe he might have been overreacting by getting so upset with her over something that happened when they were broken up. But he couldn't stop thinking about it and he couldn't just change the way he felt about it. James and Jo had classes together without Kendall and the two of them ran in the same circle of friends, so they spent a lot of time together _without _Kendall. So he couldn't help but wonder what went on between the two of them whenever he wasn't around. What if this had been going on the whole time behind his back and he didn't even know about it?

Kendall knew that James had always liked Jo but he never considered the fact that maybe she could have returned his feelings. She said so herself that she had kissed him back and she had felt the need to tell him about it so it couldn't have been all innocent, not if she had felt guilty about it. The whole thing was just leaving a bad taste in his mouth and he wished he could just stop thinking about it.

James had actually been a good friend to Kendall for most of his life so he could tell when Kendall was upset about something. So after hockey practice he asked him about it.

"Hey, man are you alright?"

Kendall took off his helmet and threw it on the ground. Then he took his gym bag out of his locker and slammed it down on the bench. "Yeah, I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

"Uh, I don't know you seem kinda tense. And you've been playing really well today. You usually don't play this good unless you're pissed off."

Kendall shrugged.

"And also you almost killed Dak back there," he pointed out.

He shrugged again. "I don't know, guess I'm just having an off day," he said. "Or a good day depending on how you look at it."

James didn't really buy it but he decided to just let it go. "Just save it for the game on Monday okay?"

Kendall nodded and watched him leave. He knew he should have just confronted James then but he didn't want to just yet. Because he wanted James to be the one to man up and admit to him what he did. But it sort of backfired on him because all it did was drive him crazy for the rest of the day. After school he spent a few hours at work before his boss just told him to go home because his attitude was giving everyone bad vibes. He knew this confrontation with James needed to happen one way or the other. He either needed to talk things out with him or he needed to just hit him to make himself feel better, whichever happened to come first.

This was how he ended up on the Mitchell's doorstep around 8 o'clock that night.

* * *

Logan had been sitting in front of the TV for the past few hours watching Animal Planet where they were marathoning programs about marine animals. He was currently learning how the Beluga whale consumes up to 3% of its body weight per day when he heard the doorbell ring.

He wasn't expecting anybody and neither Brooke nor James, or his father were home so he didn't know who it could be. Nobody usually ever came by for him.

He was surprised to see Kendall standing on his doorstep when he opened the door, mostly because Logan had just been thinking about the blonde not too long before. About how he'd brushed by him in the hallway, and how he would have maybe had the chance to talk to him if Camille hadn't been pulling him in the opposite direction. Logan wondered if the universe was playing some kind of trick on him with Kendall showing up at his door right after he'd been thinking about him.

It was cold out like most nights in Minnesota, so Kendall's cheeks were flushed and his hair was windswept. But still, Logan thought that he looked perfect.

"Hey, is James here?" he asked.

"No, you just missed him."

"Oh," he said.

Do you mind if I come in and wait for him?"

"Um, sure," he replied, stepping aside to let him in. "It might be awhile though. I think he and Lucy went to the movies."

"I don't mind," Kendall said, taking off his jacket and taking a seat on the couch. "What are you watching?"

"Uh, hockey." Logan grabbed the remote quickly and changed the channel. He didn't want Kendall to think he was some dork who just sat around watching Animal Planet all the time (even though it was kinda true). Kendall smiled to himself unbeknownst to him.

Logan sat down on the couch beside him and for a while they just sat beside each other in silence. Logan soon realized that something must have been wrong for him to just show up like this. He noticed the way Kendall wasn't really watching the TV, just sort of staring with his jaw set, like he was deep in thought about something. Logan felt this strong urge to find out whatever it was that was upsetting him and kill it.

"Is everything okay?" he asked.

"Yeah...nothing you should concern yourself with," Kendall started to say. But then he realized there was a possibility that Logan might know something that he didn't, something that could be useful to him. He was James' brother after all. "Actually, did you say James was out with Lucy?"

"Yeah they go out like every night."

Somehow Kendall had forgotten all about Lucy, the girl who'd managed to keep James' attention for longer than two weeks. Maybe he really had nothing to worry about.

"So, are they like together-together now? Do you think he's serious about her?"

The question had kind of caught Logan off guard. "Um, I don't know, maybe. He hasn't really said anything."

"Well what do you think?" he pried.

"They're always together now so...I guess you could say they're officially a couple? I don't know, I don't really know much about relationships. Or girls for that matter."

"You mean you've never had a girlfriend before?" Kendall half-teased. He didn't know why but he found Logan's naivety to be sort of endearing. He could remember a time, maybe when he was a little younger than Logan, back when all he cared about were comic books and hockey. Before he learned that girls could be just as fun.

"I'm not really good with girls," he admitted, even though he was kind of embarrassed But it was true. Logan was always terribly awkward around girls. Except maybe Camille but she was different.

"What about that girl you were with at your dad's New Year's party last year? Wasn't that your first kiss?" he asked.

Logan remembered that girl and he remembered that night. He'd lied about kissing her just to make his brother happy because he thought that was what he'd wanted. Logan only agreed to it as a favor to James since the girl was James's date's younger sister. But really the whole night had pretty much been a disaster. "It would have been, maybe if I hadn't spilled my drink all over her."

Kendall wasn't sure why, but he started to ponder everything Logan had told him. He wasn't sure if Logan knew this, but he realized that the reason Logan had never kissed anyone probably wasn't just because he didn't know how to act around girls. It was probably because he didn't really _want_ to kiss a girl. Logan wasn't bi like Kendall was. He was gay. And he probably wanted his first kiss to be with a boy, not a girl.

"Do you want me to show you how to do it," he asked.

"What?"

"Do you want to kiss me?"

Kendall said it like it was a completely normal thing to ask while Logan's face had turned bright red. "Are you joking?"

Kendall shrugged. "I wouldn't offer something like that if I wasn't being serious."

Logan furrowed his brows. He would have been lying if he said that he didn't want to kiss Kendall. But he was too afraid to say yes so he just said nothing. But Kendall assumed that his silence meant that he wasn't exactly objecting to it. "Say you're on a date right now and it's the end of the night. So far the date's gone well and it's obvious you both like each other, so she'll be expecting you to kiss her."

Logan nodded. Kendall turned so he was facing him and Logan did the same. He tried to hide the fact that he was nervous but he was sure he couldn't stop blushing even if he tried to. "Am I the girl in this situation?"

Kendall smiled. "Yeah, no offense. So the first thing you have to do is get really close to her, kind of lean in a little." Logan sat frozen in place while he demonstrated by leaning in really close so their mouths were barely inches apart. "And, umm, try to touch her somehow. Like brush away a lock of her hair or just touch her face."

Kendall took him by the chin and tilted his face upwards so that their lips could meet, and he pressed his mouth against the younger boy's softly. Logan felt shivers run throughout his whole body. He had instinctively shut his eyes and he opened them when he felt Kendall pulling away from him, but only a little. Their faces were still within centimeters of each other.

Logan cleared his throat quietly. "I always wondered what that would be like."

"What, to kiss someone?"

"To kiss you," he admitted.

Kendall was momentarily struck by how adorable Logan was and how cute his crush on him was. He didn't know why he never realized it before but Logan really was cute with his dimples and warm brown eyes. He felt like he wanted to kiss him again so he did. And this time Logan, feeling a bit more confident, kissed back with more urgency. He wrapped his arms around the taller boy's neck to hold him as close as possible. Kendall rested his hands at Logan's hips, lightly running his fingers underneath the boy's t-shirt, sending shivers up his spine. Logan parted his lips and then he felt Kendall's tongue enter his mouth. It felt weird at first because he'd never made out with anybody before, and the thought of having someone else's tongue in your mouth was weird in itself. But once he stopped thinking about it it all came naturally. Kendall lifted him up by his hips slightly and maneuvered him so that he was lying on his back underneath him. He attached his lips then to the younger boy's neck, making him groan appreciatively. He sucked on his skin but only softly so he wouldn't leave a mark.

"Kendall...is this okay?" Logan asked.

"Hmm?"

"Are we allowed to do this?"

Kendall stopped kissing him for moment to look at him. "We can do whatever we want. We can stop if you want to."

"I don't want to stop," he assured him. "It's just...what if someone walks in?"

Kendall nodded moving off of him and Logan sat up beside him.

"Maybe we should go upstairs," Logan suggested.

It was safe to say that Logan really didn't get what he was implying by saying it. Kendall seemed a little surprised by it but he just stood up and let Logan lead the way. Once they were in Logan's bedroom the reality of what was about to happen began to set in and Logan realized that he was kind of terrified. But then Kendall took his hand and laced their fingers together, and pecked him softly on the lips and Logan felt his mind go blank. He couldn't think straight about anything when Kendall kissed him.

Logan wrapped his arms around Kendall's neck and let out a squeak as he was gently pushed onto his back on the bed. "Are you nervous?" Kendall asked him.

"A little," he said.

"We don't have to do anything if you don't want to. If you want me to stop just tell me and I will okay?"

Logan nodded and shut his eyes. Kendall reached for the hem of the brunette's shirt and Logan lifted his arms so he could pull it over his head. Then he leaned down to kiss him one last time before trailing his lips down his jaw to his bare chest. He stopped at one of his nipples and swirled his tongue around. Logan felt his body reacting to the sensation immediately, in a good way. He was surprised by how good it felt.

But then it stopped as Kendall continued to slowly kiss his way down his abdomen before stopping again at his belly button and dipping his tongue inside. Logan wondered how Kendall knew exactly what to do to make him feel so good. By then his pants were starting to get uncomfortable and he was tired of being teased. "Kendall, please..."

Logan wasn't sure what he was even asking for but Kendall seemed to know exactly what he needed. He unbuttoned Logan's pants and tugged them off, and then he pulled down the waist band of his boxers. Logan let out a sigh as he felt himself released before he felt himself covered by the warmth of Kendall's mouth. He was momentarily shocked by the sudden pleasure he felt. Logan briefly wondered what he'd been doing his entire life and why it didn't involve what was happening to him right at that exact moment.

"Fuck."

Kendall stopped what he was doing, and raised an eyebrow at younger boy. "I didn't know that word was part of your vocabulary."

"Why'd you stop?" Logan whined.

Kendall moved up his body to kiss his lips and lay beside him so he was facing him, then he wrapped his hand around his dick and started stroking him. Logan sighed and buried his face against Kendall's chest.

Kendall continued to stroke him until he heard his breaths quicken, and he felt Logan grip onto his shirt. "Kendall...I'm gonna-"

"It's okay," he whispered.

Logan shuddered against him as he came and spilled into Kendall's hand. He caught his breath while Kendall cleaned his hand off on his discarded t-shirt.

Logan thought it was strange how he didn't feel self-conscious at all about being practically naked in front of Kendall. He felt completely comfortable with him. The only problem was that Kendall still had all of his clothes on and that was pretty unfair. Logan just wanted to see him too.

He became impatient while fiddling with the blonde's shirt and Kendall laughed when Logan whined in frustration when he couldn't get his buttons undone quickly enough. He helped him and just as Logan had imagined, the blonde looked even more perfect underneath his clothes. He was kind of slender in frame like Logan, but more toned and muscular he imagined from having to work out so much.

Kendall knew he needed to stretch Logan first before they did anything, but they didn't have any lubricant. So Logan took the blonde's middle and index fingers into his mouth to coat them with his saliva and Kendall had to admit it was either really gross or the hottest thing he'd ever seen. He saw a flash in his mind of Logan doing the same thing to his dick and felt himself get impossibly harder. But he pushed the thought out of his mind to concentrate on preparing him. For Logan that was the weirdest part, just getting used to having something inside of him. But he was able to get over it pretty soon and it stopped being so weird.

Logan lied down on his back while Kendall lined up at his entrance, and he wrapped his legs around his waist. The blonde gave him a brief nod of warning before he began to push his way inside of him.

The immediate pain he felt came as another shock for him. "God. Fuck, that hurts."

"Yeah, It's supposed to." Kendall murmured. No surprise since Logan was _really_ tight. He pushed into him quickly all at once, knowing it was better to just get the worst part over with since it was gonna hurt regardless. "Just try not to think about it," he said.

Logan tried his best not to focus on the pain but it was kind of hard not to. But it helped when Kendall leaned down to kiss him and when he started stroking him slowly. After giving him some time to adjust he asked if it was okay for him to move.

Logan nodded. Kendall kept their lips locked together, probably to keep him from crying out while he slowly pulled out and slowly pushed back in. He repeated the motion again and again, moving a little faster each time. The pain never disappeared completely but it eventually began to dull and Logan was able to understand that it was just part of it. Something about being so close to Kendall and finally being able to kiss him and touch him made it all worth it.

Eventually the sex started to feel _really good_. Something just switched on like a light and all of a sudden Logan understood what all the hype was about. Kendall seemed to find the perfect spot inside of him and he just kept hitting it over and over again. Logan let him know how good it felt so he kept thrusting into him as hard as he could, while simultaneously stroking him, flicking his thumb over the head of his dick.

Logan came again, for the second time that night and then he saw Kendall come undone for the first time. And he thought that it was probably the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen, how for a split second he showed the tiniest hint of vulnerability. "Fuck," he'd whispered, while he thrusted into the brunette one last time before letting himself go. Then he collapsed on top of him, resting his head against the younger boy's shoulder. Logan ran his fingers through the blonde's locks of hair matted against his forehead and he felt his breath hot against his skin. For a moment it seemed like he was just in his own world before he looked up at Logan with what Logan hoped was adoration in his eyes. He looked like he was just happy to see him and Logan smiled too with the thought that maybe there was a chance that Kendall felt the same way about him as he did.

Kendall pulled out of him and scooted so he was lying beside him on his back. But Logan didn't like how far he was away from him so he scooted closer to him. Kendall flinched a little when he felt him wrap arms around him but then he relaxed once he realized Logan just wanted to cuddle with him. Kendall sighed pulled him against his chest and wrapped his own arms around him. "Go to sleep Logan. It's okay."

* * *

When Logan woke up it was almost 9:30. Kendall was standing at the foot of the bed getting dressed already. It took him a minute to notice Logan was up.

"Hey. I was trying to be quiet so I wouldn't wake you," he said. "I figured I'd better go before someone comes home.'

Logan nodded, even though he would have preferred it if Kendall had woken him up instead of just leaving without saying goodbye. He watched him pull up his pants and then pull his t-shirt over his head.

"Um, so I'll see you at school?" he said, before turning to leave. But then he turned around like he'd forgotten to do something. He leaned down and kissed Logan on the lips.

Logan smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I'll see you."

After he left Logan noticed that he'd accidentally left something behind. It was his plaid button up shirt hanging off the side of the bed. Logan grabbed it and decided to put it on since his own clothes were lying somewhere else discarded. It was big on him and the sleeves were way to long but it was warm and it reminded him of moments before when he was wrapped in Kendall's arms.

After that Logan shut his eyes and went back to sleep.

* * *

**So yeah, that happened.**

**Thoughts?**

**This chapter was hard for me to write for some reason. Not the first part but the last scenes with Kendall and Logan because I don't usually write stuff like that, so hopefully it wasn't too bad. That was why it took me so long to update this time but I'll try to be quicker with the next one :P**


	5. Chapter 5

**Another long chapter. More kogan...**

**I don't own BTR.**

* * *

After what happened Logan felt as if he were different somehow like losing his virginity had changed him. He felt like he was happier now because of it and he knew that Kendall was the reason why. When he woke up he almost wondered whether it had even happened, or if he had just dreamed the whole thing. He'd had dreams about Kendall before but they'd never been _that_ vivid.

Logan wondered if when he went into the bathroom to look at himself in the mirror, if there would be any physical signs that he had changed. When he stood in front of the mirror and stripped down he realized that on the outside he pretty much looked like the same modest fourteen year old boy. There was really no way that you could tell just by looking at him that he was different. But he could still retrace all the places on his body that Kendall had kissed him, from his lips to his jawline to his neck, down his chest all the way to below his waistline, and that seemed like proof enough to him that he was a different person now.

He noticed his body still hurt from the physical strain that came from having sex for the first time, mostly his bottom but his muscles in his arms and legs hurt too. Logan remembered how last night Kendall told him that it was supposed to hurt the first time you did it and he supposed that was just because it meant that your body really was going through a change. Maybe that was what they meant by growing pains.

Logan was interrupted when he heard his brother knocking on the door. "I'll be out in in a minute!" he called out, turning on the shower. He knew he had to be quick because James always got pissy if he cut into his morning bathroom time.

He showered as fast as he could but apparently he still wasn't as quick as James would have liked, because the taller boy was waiting outside the door when he stepped out with his arms crossed. Logan sighed. "I know, I know. I'll get out of your way."

"Jeeze, what were you doing in there anyway?"

"Showering," he said. Like it wasn't obvious.

"No, I mean why'd you wait until now. How come you didn't shower last night?" he asked. Because that was what Logan usually did, since James was a bathroom hog in the mornings.

"I was tired last night so I went to bed early."

"Well now we're both gonna be late to school because the bus already left and _you_ have to wait until I'm done if you want a ride," he said, patting him on the back before brushing past him into the bathroom.

Logan shook his head, not surprised at all that he couldn't bear to cut down fifteen minutes of his morning routine just to get to school on time. Logan wondered if people who thought that they were actual brothers looked at the two of them and wondered if James just got all the good genes in the family. What most people didn't realize was that it took time and effort for James Diamond to look like James Diamond.

Logan wasn't in any particular rush to get to school anyway but he did want to get there soon enough so he could talk to Camille about what happened. The car ride to school with James was spent like most of their morning car rides were spent, making small talk and catching up with each other.

"So how was the movie last night?" Logan asked him.

"It was alright. Didn't really watch it though if you know what I mean," James said.

Logan raised his eyebrows and James just smirked.

"Well I'm glad you guys had fun...Kendall came by looking for you," Logan said. He felt his cheeks redden just by mentioning his name.

"He did?"

"Yeah but only for like a second though. He left after like five minutes," he lied.

"Did he say what he wanted?"

Logan thought back and remembered that he never did. He shook his head.

"Oh, well hey, I was thinking you and I could do something this weekend. Maybe on Saturday."

"Like what?"

"I don't know, maybe we could go to the mall and check out the new laser tag place."

Logan crinkled his nose at the suggestion. "James I'm too old for laser tag."

James looked at him like he was genuinely shocked. "What are you talking about? You love laser tag."

"I used to, maybe when I was ten."

"How can anyone be too old for laser tag?" he pondered out loud.

Logan couldn't help but smile. "You're just saying that because you want to go really badly." He knew James was just trying to make up for the fact that he hadn't really been making time for him lately. So he decided he'd be willing to do whatever it was James wanted to do since he was making an effort. "I guess I wouldn't mind going just this once."

James reached over to ruffle his hair. "It'll be fun Loges. Just like old times."

Logan looked out the window when he realized they should have gotten to school already. He noticed they were in a random neighborhood he didn't recognize.

"Why are we here?" he asked.

"Oh I promised Lucy I'd give her a ride too. She might be a little ticked off since we're late..."

James parked the car in front of a house and then the dark-haired girl appeared, clad in her usual black leather jacket and doc martens. She had her arms crossed over chest and James was right, she did look ticked off. "You do realize classes started fifteen minutes ago," she said.

"Hey it wasn't my fault," James said.

Lucy opened the car door and climbed in the backseat. "You mean you didn't spend twenty minutes alone just on your hair this morning?"

Before James could respond Logan came to his defense. "Actually it was my fault we were late this morning. You shouldn't be mad at him."

"You remember my little brother Logan right?" James said, gesturing to the younger boy appreciatively.

Lucy sighed, and smiled. "Yes. Hey Logan."

"Hey," Logan said.

Lucy leaned forward over the seat to give James a quick kiss. "I'm not mad. It's just that I have Spanish first period and Senorita Gomez is a bitch. She'll give me detention if I'm late again."

"Sorry babe. I'll find a way to make it up to you," James said.

Logan sunk down lower in his seat. Whenever he was around Lucy and James this was usually the point when he realized he was the third wheel and sort of tuned out of their conversation.

"So my parents and I have been talking and they know you and I've been together for a while. And they want to meet you," Lucy told him suddenly.

"They do?"

"Don't worry they're gonna love you. I mean you're clean-cut, no tattoos and no piercings, nothing like my last boyfriend. I was thinking we could do it this weekend. Before my concert we're all going out to eat..."

James looked confused for a second before he got a completely guilty expression on his face. "I totally forgot we had plans this Saturday. Logan and I were supposed to-"

"Don't worry James. We can reschedule," Logan said quickly, to spare him the trouble of having to choose between the two of them. He wasn't sure he'd be able to handle hearing what James would have chosen if he hadn't.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah it's fine. You guys had plans before we did."

"Well you should come hear Lucy's band play sometime. They're really good," James said.

"Yeah you should," Lucy agreed. "I can get you in for free."

Logan just smiled and nodded politely. Angry girl rock groups weren't really his thing, but then again he didn't really think they were James' thing either. Either Lucy really was changing him or being in a relationship just had him completely whipped.

When Logan finally did get to school and he finally got a chance to talk to Camille, he ended up not telling her the whole truth about last night. He told her that Kendall came by and the two of them had kissed, but he lied and said that that was all they did. Logan still wasn't sure if what happened was a good thing or a bad thing and until he figured that out he wasn't going to tell anyone about it. He realized that it was a good thing if it meant that Kendall felt the same way about him as he did. And it was a bad thing if James ever found out about it.

"You're being awfully quiet," Camille said. They were sitting together at lunch at their usual table and so far Logan had yet to share his big news with her. "Didn't you say you had something you wanted to talk to me about?"

"I did?"

"Yes, something about a certain blonde hockey god..."

"Oh that."

"So are you gonna tell me what happened?"

Logan nervously turned his gaze down to his plate of potatoes and Camille sighed.

"I want to tell you it's just, I'm not sure what it means yet. And I'm kind of scared to find out," he said.

"Then let's talk about it hypothetically," she suggested.

"Okay..._hypothetically_. Say you were with a boy and he kissed you. And it was your first time and he knew that you were nervous about it. So he was really sweet, and gentle about it. You know, because it was your first time."

"Oh my god, you kissed him!"

"Shhh! Yes, _hypothetically_, we kissed. So what does that mean, if he took my...lip-virginity."

"Well, it probably means he likes you. At least enough to want to kiss you. Have you talked to him at all today?"

Logan shook his head. "I'm kind of afraid to. What if he doesn't like me as much as I like him?"

"Don't be ridiculous Logan. How are you ever gonna know if you don't talk to him? You have to tell him how you feel." Camille thought about it for a moment before she came up with an idea. "Do it at the game on Monday night. You know he'll be there and afterwards you guys can talk."

"Okay." Logan nodded. It seemed like a good enough idea and waiting until Monday would give him just enough time to think about what he was going to say. He would just have to avoid Kendall until then, he supposed.

* * *

Kendall was standing in the hallway behind a corner, obscured from view of James and Jo who were currently conversing about five yards away from him. So maybe he knew it was a bit childish to be spying on his girlfriend and his best friend, but this was the only way he could find out what went on between the two of them when he wasn't around. Unfortunately he wasn't standing close enough to hear what they were saying over the hallway chatter of his peers. But it looked like they were arguing about something which Kendall found to be very suspect.

Kendall sighed when he remembered he needed to get to his locker before the bell rang so he gave up and just went to get his books. But when he made his way over to his locker James spotted him and cautiously approached him. "Hey..."

"Hey," Kendall said, without looking up at him.

"So, umm, Jo said she talked to you. Look man, about that kiss-"

"It's fine," he cut him off.

"No it's not. It shouldn't have happened and I should have told you about it. I'm a terrible, horrible friend."

"James I'm not mad, really. It's fine."

"Dude seriously?"

"Yeah. I mean we're even now so everything's good." Kendall shut his locker and threw his bag over his shoulder.

"Thank god." James let out a relieved sigh. "Wait, what do you mean we're even?"

"What?"

"You said we're even. What does that mean?"

Kendall shrugged casually. "It means nothing. It's just a figure of speech. It means I'm over it."

"Okay...well, what should I do about my problem?"

"What problem?"

James groaned. "You know, what I told you this morning about Lucy wanting me to meet her parents? I swear you never listen to me when I tell you things."

"I don't even get what you're so worried about. Lucy wanting you to meet her parents is a good thing," he said.

"It is?"

"Yeah it means she's basically ready to let you seal the deal. You just have to get through her parents first."

"Well that's great I guess. But Lucy's parents are super strict. What if I screw things up and they don't like me?"

"You won't," Kendall said.

"Well, what if I say something stupid?"

"Okay you probably will. But Lucy'll be there and she's smart so she'll know how to help you. All you have to do is sit there and look pretty, smile and agree with whatever she says and try not to talk too much."

James nodded. "I think I can do that. Thanks man," he said.

"Hey James," Kendall called out, stopping him before he could leave. "Umm, just so you know, this means she serious about you."

"Yeah...so?"

"So, if you're not serious about her this would be the time to back out. You know, maybe if you were confused and thought that you might have feelings for someone else..." he baited.

James looked at Kendall strangely, and pondered what he said for a second. "No, I'm good."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I really like her. And just so you know, it's not just about 'sealing the deal' as you so eloquently put it. She's a cool person and I like being with her."

"Oh...okay."

Kendall wasn't sure what to think now. James had put it so simply it almost seemed like he was telling the truth. All the signs Kendall had seen so far were telling him to just get over it and trust his best friend.

Then why did he feel like punching his head through a wall when James and Jo got assigned to work together as partners during history class. Why did it bother him so much whenever they were alone together.

Kendall decided to just take James' advice and channel all his feelings into Monday night's game. Not that he would need to, since they were playing against Jefferson and they'd never lost a game against them. But playing hockey was the one place where he could vent all of his frustrations in a physical way and not get in trouble for it. So Monday night's game was exactly what he needed.

* * *

Hockey was sort of a big deal in their town. At least in their school district since it was the only sport that got them any recognition. So the night of the game the arena was pretty much packed. Logan didn't realize until halfway through the second period of the game that he and Camille were sitting only a few rows down from Kendall's ex, Jo and another blonde girl who he didn't recognize. He didn't notice them until he overheard Kendall's name mentioned in part of their conversation.

"I don't even know why I'm here. Kendall doesn't want me here," Jo had said.

Logan knew it was wrong to eavesdrop but once he heard Kendall's name he couldn't just _not_ listen. And they were sitting so close to him so it wasn't like he could just turn his ears off.

"Because Kendall doesn't dictate where you can and cannot go," the other blonde had said, who he would later learn was Mercedes. "And besides, maybe James wants you here."

"That is so_ not _funny." Mercedes laughed and Jo groaned. "Kendall barely even talks to me now because of James and whenever we do talk we just fight. I don't know what to do."

"My advice is to just wait it out. He'll come around eventually. But he's kind of a stubborn asshole, no offense."

Jo sighed. "I guess I don't have a choice if I want him back."

Logan frowned. It sort of put a damper in his plans if Jo was trying to win Kendall back. Logan turned to his best friend to see if she had just heard what he did but she was too preoccupied with freaking out over the game like everyone else was. Normally Logan would have been too but he had too many other things on his mind.

They ended up winning the game, 6-1, which was cause for a celebratory dinner even though it had been an easy win. James and his friends usually went to Anthony's Diner for pizza after the home games whenever they won. He and Camille waited outside the rink them to come out after they finished changing and getting cleaned up.

"Alright I'll meet you guys there. I gotta make sure my brother and his friend get home okay," James said. Lucy, Jo, Mercedes, Kendall and a few other people were standing with him.

"I can take him home," Kendall said, surprising everyone. Including Logan. "I was planning on heading home anyway."

"You're not going out to eat with us?" Jo asked, disappointment evident in her tone.

"I'm kinda tired.."

Logan didn't know why, maybe it was just him being childish, but he felt a strange sense of satisfaction at the fact that Kendall had just chosen him over Jo. But he tried to hide it as best he could and act like it wasn't a big deal. Logan realized that it was finally gonna happen, he was actually gonna tell Kendall how he felt. There was no way to avoid it now.

Although Camille was going to be with them so that slightly changed things. "What are you doing?" he asked her.

Camille had pulled out her cell phone and dialed a number. "I'm calling my mom," she said. "Hey mom...yeah I'm at the rink...no, I do need a ride. Can you come get me?...Okay thanks. I'll see you in a bit."

"You didn't have to do that," he told her.

"Yes I did. You don't need me around cockblocking you. Now go, he's waiting for you."

"Are you coming?" Kendall called out from the other side of the parking lot.

Camille winked at him and nodded for him to go. Kendall was putting his gear and his gym bag in the trunk of his car when he approached him. For some reason Logan felt nervous but he kept telling himself he had no reason to be. Kendall obviously offered to take him home because he knew they needed to talk about what happened. It had been three days since it happened so this moment was overdue.

"Hey..."

"Hi."

"Um, good game tonight. Congratulations," Logan told him.

Kendall slammed his trunk shut and turned to face him. "Thanks Logie."

"So how come you didn't want to go out with them?"

He just shrugged. "I don't know, not really in the mood I guess... Don't you ever get tired of hanging out with the same people all the time?"

"Not really.."

"Well, in a couple of years you might be singing a different tune," Kendall said, stepping closer to him. Close enough that Logan could tell that his hair was still damp underneath his beanie from his shower. Logan blushed trying his best not to picture Kendall in the shower.

"Jo seemed pretty upset when you said you weren't going."

"Yeah I don't really want to talk about her," Kendall said.

"Oh, sorry."

They were silent for a moment. Logan wrapped his arms around himself just as the wind started to pick up.

"Are you cold?"

He nodded. "A little bit."

"I have another jacket in my car if you want it," he said, turning around to open the car door to reach inside. He pulled out a larger jacket and turned to the brunette and secured it around his shoulders. Logan felt something flutter in his chest at the gesture, being wrapped in something that belonged to Kendall. "Better?"

Logan leaned forward and kissed him while he was close, sort of impulsively. He just felt the need to be close to him again. He wanted to feel the same way he'd felt the first night he'd kissed him. But when he pulled away and Kendall didn't react immediately he wondered if maybe he shouldn't have done it. "Sorry I just...thought I was allowed to do that now," he said sheepishly.

Kendall was only silent for a moment before he smirked, taking him by his jacket and gently pressing him up against the side of the car. He leaned down and kissed him, slipping his tongue in past his lips. Logan parted his lips gladly to allow him to deepen the kiss. They separated only when they realized they both needed to breathe. "You can do more than kiss me," he murmured. And Logan felt himself shiver again, but this time it had nothing to do with the cold.

Kendall opened the door of his car again and Logan got the hint, scooting into the backseat pulling the blonde inside with him. It was a bit cramped but Logan was able to fit lying down on the seat with Kendall on top of him. Once they'd gotten situated Kendall attached his lips to Logan's again and resumed kissing him, pressing their hips together making Logan groan.

When he felt Logan's hands reaching for his belt buckle, Kendall broke away from his lips and said, "Are you sure you want to do this here?"

"Yeah. It's okay," Logan said.

"I know this isn't really the best place for us to do this...I'd take you someplace better if I could."

Logan smiled. "I don't care. I just want to be with you," he told him.

Kendall had to force himself not to go _aww_ at Logan's sentimentality. He didn't know why but it kind of turned him on whenever Logan acted all sweet. "Okay stop talking like that or you're gonna make me puke," he said.

Logan giggled. He made quick work of unbuttoning his pants and sliding out of them and then slipping off his boxers. He then took Kendall's hand and took three of his fingers into his mouth and sucked. Then he waited patiently while Kendall stretched him, which started to feel good almost right away. Kendall unbuckled his belt and slid his pants down halfway, lining up at his entrance, reminding Logan to relax while he eased inside of him. This time when it hurt it wasn't as bad because Logan had been expecting it and in a weird way the pain made him excited because he knew what would come afterwards.

Having sex this time was a lot less romantic than the first time when they did it, mostly because they were in the backseat of a car in the middle of a parking lot. The first time they did it Logan had felt like Kendall was making love to him. This time it sort of felt like love, but also just like satisfying a need to get off, which kind of made it more fun.

It also went by a lot quicker than the first time. Kendall came before he did and Logan didn't realize how close he was until Kendall leaned down and whispered in his ear, "Come on Logan, come for me," while he simultaneously jerked him off. The next thing he knew his orgasm was ripping through his body while he shot his cum into Kendall's hand.

Kendall peppered him with kisses while he came down and steadied his labored breaths. "That was hot..." he murmured.

Logan felt his face heat up even more if it was possible. "I don't think I've never been called hot before," he said.

"Well you are. And adorable," he told him, gazing down at him adoringly. Logan didn't know what to say. Somehow Kendall had managed to make him feel like he was really wanted by somebody, and not just because he had to be with him. Logan wished he could just stay there with him like that forever.

But then he realized they were still in a car parked outside and it was twenty degrees outside. "Kendall..."

"Yeah I know, it's fucking freezing. Let's get out of here." Kendall pulled his pants back up while Logan felt around in the dark for his own clothes. There was a brief moment they just sat beside each other where Logan realized he could have told him what he wanted to say. But in the end he ended up chickening out and keeping his mouth shut.

* * *

The drive back to Logan's house was pretty much spent in silence. Logan wouldn't regret it until much later that he'd never gotten the chance to tell Kendall what he wanted to. But there was something else on his mind that had been bothering him so he brought it up after they were parked in front of his house.

"Kendall can I ask you something?" The blonde turned to look at him. "When we first...you know. How did you know that I was..."

"What?"

Logan cleared his throat, trying to get the words out."That I'm...you know..."

"What? Gay?" Kendall finished for him. Logan avoided his eyes and nodded. "I don't know. Because I asked if you wanted to kiss me and you said yes?

"Are you worried about people finding out or something?"

Logan shrugged. "Nobody else knows. Except one person but she promised not to tell anyone."

"Not even James?" he asked. Kendall found this a little hard to believe but Logan just shook his head. "Why haven't you told him?"

"I don't know. Sometimes I get the feeling that he just wants me to be more like him."

Kendall sort of got what Logan was feeling because nobody really knew about him either. Not because he was afraid of what people would think of him, but because there were certain things about his private life he preferred to keep private. "Logan you can trust me when I say that you can tell James and he won't care. He loves you no matter what."

When Logan still looked skeptical he added, "Seriously, you should hear the way he talks about you. It's always 'Logan did this' and 'Logan did that'. 'Logan's so smart.' 'Logan placed first at the science fair'."

Logan laughed. Then he moved over to Kendall's seat so that he was practically in his lap. At first Kendall didn't know what he was doing but then the brunette wrapped his arms around him and he realized he was just hugging him. He whispered "Thanks Kendall."

Kendall slowly closed his arms around him, resting his chin on his shoulder. He found Logan's behavior to be strange sometimes. Mostly because he wasn't used to guys being so touchy feely with him. But Logan was different. He seemed all about the cuddling and hugging. Kendall thought that it might have had something to do with the fact that Logan was younger than any of the other guys he'd been with but he quickly pushed that thought out of his mind.

"Well it's pretty late. You should go inside," he said. Logan nodded and kissed him one more time before he got out of the car.

"Good night, Kendall."

"Bye," Kendall said, and then he drove home.

* * *

**I have no good excuse for why this update took so long to come except that I totally suck. I won't make any promises about the next one. But I will promise this, lots more drama and lots more angst to come :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**You guys might hate me for this chapter...**

**I don't own BTR.**

* * *

Kendall had been sitting alone in the tutor center bored until Logan came by. He'd brought his coursework with him but so far it sat on the desk completely ignored.

Kendall had his hands on the younger boy's waist and his lips against his lips. Logan was smiling into the kiss, loving the feeling of Kendall's lips on his. Their study session had somehow turned into a mini makeout session, but neither of them were really complaining.

Logan broke away from the blonde's lips and tilted his head to the side and Kendall took that to mean he wanted him to kiss his neck so he complied, moving his lips down to his soft skin.

"Kendall we're supposed to be working," Logan said.

"So you didn't come here just because you wanted to make out with me?" Kendall murmured against his skin.

"Maybe I came because I really need help with math," he replied.

Kendall pulled back to see if he was serious or not "Okay get your books out then," he said, pulling away from him, but Logan put his arms around him before he could.

"Wait, no I was bluffing," he said, smiling.

Kendall smiled too and pecked him on the lips.

"But I did want to talk to you about something," Logan said.

"What's up?" Kendall asked. Though he got the feeling he wouldn't like where this was going. Nothing good ever came from 'I want to talk'.

"I just...I feel like I never get to see you," Logan said.

"What do you mean?"

"We never hang out or do stuff together."

"We're hanging out now," Kendall said.

"This doesn't count. I want you to spend more time with me..."

Kendall kept himself from sighing out loud. He wasn't sure he liked being given demands on how he should spend his time. But he didn't know why he was surprised Logan felt this way. He'd been getting vibes from Logan that he was the clingy type for a while now but he didn't really think it mattered because they weren't really together. They'd only hooked up twice and to Kendall that didn't really mean anything. But he worried Logan would read too much into it and start acting like they were married now or something.

"What about tonight?" Logan asked him.

"I have to work tonight," he said.

"Well what about afterwards?"

"I don't get off until 11, which is past your curfew," he told him, but then Logan looked so disappointed he started to feel bad. "But I could call you when I get home or something."

Logan's face lit up again and Kendall was surprised by how happy he could make him. "Promise you'll call me."

"I promise," Kendall said.

Logan smiled, making his dimples appear. "Okay, I have to get back to class to talk to my teacher before the bell rings. I'll see you later," he said gathering his things. Kendall nodded and watched him leave.

Kendall had been thinking about Logan a lot lately. He liked Logan and he thought that he was a nice kid. He could admit that Logan made him laugh sometimes and he could be fun to be around. But that was all they did when they were together, they had fun. That was all it was. He had to keep reminding himself that Logan was only fourteen years old and it didn't matter how cute he thought he was.

Though there were advantages to being with Logan. He was a good distraction from his problems. And if James were to ever find out they were together he would probably be monumentally pissed off. Probably as pissed as Kendall was when he found out about him and Jo. Which wasn't the _whole _reason he'd gone after Logan in the first place, but he had to admit the thought had crossed his mind more than once. The vindictive side of Kendall's brain thought that it would only be fair to take something away from James since James had tried to take Jo away from him. And what better thing to take than Logan? He didn't even have to try with Logan. The boy just fell right into his arms.

Kendall took out one of his books to read until the next bell. He looked up when he heard someone enter the room but then he sighed once he realized it was just Mercedes, a.k.a the bane of his existence. "What do you want?"

"I need to talk to you about Jo," she told him.

"Well, I'm busy," he said, turning back to his book hoping she'd get the hint and go away.

"Oh please. Everyone knows you don't do any actual work in here."

"Actually I was helping a student before you barged in," Kendall said.

Mercedes almost laughed. "Right.. And does part of that help include putting your tongue down his throat?"

Kendall put his book down once he realized ignoring her wasn't going to work. "Are you spying on me now?"

"No...I came here to talk to you and I saw you guys. You're lucky it was me and not Jo who saw you," she said sitting down beside him. "You do realize James is going to kill you right."

Kendall just rolled his eyes. He wasn't afraid of James. He knew for a fact that all of James' muscles were just for show and he wouldn't dare do anything to jeopardize his pretty face. "Seriously, he's gonna kick your ass and honestly he should kick your ass. Isn't it like against friendship code to go after people's siblings?"

"James has already proven he has no regard for friendship code so I don't see why I should."

"And of course that's what this is about. This is all because of Jo right?" Kendall didn't respond because she was right. He probably never would have done anything with Logan if Jo had never told him about what happened with her and James. "Kendall you need to let that go. So what if she and James made out once."

"They _made out_?"

"That is besides the point. You haven't exactly been innocent yourself," she said. And again he was silent because he knew she was right. "Forget about everything that's happened and be serious with me for a second. Do you still care about Jo and want to be with her?"

"I think so...yeah."

"Then you need to get over yourself and stop ignoring her. Forget about your ego for once Kendall," she said. "And you need to leave that kid alone."

"Who Logan?"

"Yes, Kendall take it from somebody who used to have a crush on you. What you're doing to him is just cruel."

"You used to have a crush on me?" Kendall raised an eyebrow and smirked.

Mercedes gave him a slight look of disgust. "Please don't flatter yourself it was seventh grade. But seriously, listen to what I'm telling you."

"Why do you even care?"

"Because Jo is my friend. And the longer you guys are broken up the longer I have to listen to her bitch and complain about you."

Kendall didn't want to believe that Mercedes was completely right in everything she was saying. But a lot of what she said did make sense. But some of it bothered him. She didn't know anything about what was going on between him and Logan so she had no right to call him cruel. Mercedes made it seem like what he was doing was so horrible, like he was just using Logan. But he wasn't just using him. Everything that happened between them was mutually desired by both parties. In fact Logan was the one who'd wanted to go upstairs with him that first night. But while everything that happened since then had been fun, Kendall could sense that Logan was starting to get a little possessive over him. Which was kind of sweet in a way, but it also meant that he was gonna have to end things soon.

But his relationship with Jo was a different story. Maybe he had overreacted about that kiss but he still needed to decide if it was really worth it to him to get back together with her or not.

"Does Jo really still want us to be back together?"

"Why don't you go talk to her and find out for yourself."

* * *

The more Kendall thought about it the more he realized that maybe it was a good thing that she had kissed James. Because now it meant that they were even since Kendall may or may not (he still doesn't believe it happened) have kissed someone else and possibly done other things that one night he decided to drink at a party. He realized this meant they'd just leveled the playing field and now they could start over with a clean slate.

Kendall didn't find Jo until later on after school. She was in the room behind the stage where they used to meet up. Somehow he just knew he'd find her there. She didn't notice him right away so for a minute he just watched her.

He could tell right away that she wasn't happy. It was in her nature to need to make herself as busy as possible whenever she was upset about something and right now she was sitting at a table sewing a dress, surrounded by mountains of fabric, fake jewels and pin cushions.

"Hey." Jo looked up at him when he finally spoke. "Um, sorry to bother you."

"Oh, you're not bothering me," she said, immediately stopping what she was doing.

"I just thought that we should talk."

"I thought you didn't want to talk to me."

"Well I've been doing some thinking...and I'm not mad about what happened between you and James. I had no reason to be upset with you in the first place."

Jo raised her eyebrows. "Really? What made you decide that?"

"Because I've been a jerk to you for the past few weeks. And you haven't left me for James yet..."

Jo just looked at him like what he said was completely ridiculous. Then she just sighed. "You know for a smart person you can be really stupid sometimes."

* * *

Ever since he had fooled around with Kendall, Logan had been feeling all kinds of emotions he wasn't used to feeling. The main emotion was jealousy. He didn't get why Kendall and Jo always seemed to be around each other if they were broken up.

But honestly it wasn't just Jo he was jealous of, it was every girl that looked at him. And every person he gave attention to that wasn't Logan.

Logan felt like he was being neglected. He didn't know why but he thought things would be different between them after they did what they did. He didn't know exactly what he was expecting from Kendall but he wanted more from him than what he was getting. He didn't mind the occasional phone calls he got, the secret kisses they shared whenever they were alone, or the little tidbits of affection Kendall would show him sometimes. But it wasn't enough for him. He wanted _more._ He wanted to feel acknowledged by Kendall. He wanted to be able to talk to him everyday and spend time with him. He wanted to feel like he mattered to him at all and he wanted Kendall to want to be with him as much as he did. But sometimes it seemed like Kendall was totally indifferent to whether or not they were together. Like it was nice whenever he was around but it didn't really matter to him one way or the other. And now it felt like Kendall was distancing himself from him completely. It seemed like the more attention he craved from Kendall the less he got. And the more Kendall distanced himself from him the more Logan wanted to be with him.

The last time Logan had kissed Kendall was the day in the tutor center. And then two days went by where they hadn't spoken at all. The last time he saw Kendall he was passing him in the hallway and Jo was with him. She had her arm linked around his and Kendall didn't seem to mind at all. He didn't even notice Logan when he passed him, he just looked right through him.

Logan was in a bad mood when he got home from school and it lasted all throughout the evening. It didn't help that James had Lucy over and they were downstairs pretending to not be making out, so he was basically stuck in his room the whole night. Until he finally got a text message from Kendall.

It said '_Hey c__an you go for a drive with me?'_

Logan immediately texted back '_Yes'._

Five minutes later Kendall texted him letting him know he was outside. Logan practically flew down the stairs. James was able to stop sucking face with Lucy for about two seconds to acknowledge him. They immediately separated when they heard him come down to try and pretend like they weren't doing anything. Logan rolled his eyes.

"Hey where are you going?" James asked.

"Um, I'm going over to Camille's. She just texted me and asked if I could come over," Logan said, putting on his jacket.

"Okay remember you have to be home by 10. And call me if you need me to come pick you up."

"Okay," Logan said. And then he was out the door.

The first thing Logan did when he saw Kendall was put his arms around him and kiss him because it had been so long. But it felt differently this time. Something felt off. Kendall didn't kiss him back like he normally did.

"I missed you," Logan said.

Kendall smiled at him and ran his hand over the soft tufts of his hair. "Put your seatbelt on Logie."

"Where are we going?"

"Someplace where we can talk," Kendall said.

Logan didn't know why, but he got this sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. And it got worse and worse as the car ride went on because neither of them were talking to each other. Kendall was being strangely quiet and Logan was busy silently trying to figure out if maybe he had done something to upset him. He couldn't think of anything.

When they finally stopped Logan looked out the window and realized they were at a Dairy Freeze. "I'm gonna get a soda. Do you want anything?" Kendall asked.

Logan just stared at him.

"Well do you?" Kendall repeated.

"Kendall what is going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"You've been acting weird and ignoring me for the past few days. You've never asked me to go anywhere with you and you've never bought me anything but now all of a sudden you are?" Logan didn't know why, but he felt himself getting angry.

"Logan I brought you here because we need to talk. And I thought maybe...this would go over better if I bought you ice cream first..."

"Well I'm not hungry. And I'm not a child or a pet so don't fucking patronize me."

"Okay, relax I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry." Kendall said, surprised at how he snapped at him.

"Just talk to me please. Did I do something wrong?"

Kendall sighed "No Logan you didn't do anything wrong. Look I should have been more honest with you in the beginning. I didn't mean to confuse you."

"About what?"

"About us. I'm not your boyfriend okay. You and I can't be together." Kendall said. He wondered if there was a way to break this to him more gently. But really he just wanted to get this part over with. "Jo is my girlfriend."

Even though a part of him had seen this coming, Logan still couldn't believe what he was hearing. "But you guys broke up.."

"We've been trying to work things out."

Logan turned away from him and slumped down in his seat, hiding his face against the car door while Kendall proceeded to explain to him that Jo was his age and she was able to understand him better. And they'd been together for so long he wasn't ready to just throw away their relationship yet. "You need to find someone else who wants to be with you and who can give you what you want."

"Why can't it be you?" he whispered.

"Because I can't."

"I thought you liked me."

"I do like you...that's why I'm being honest with you," Kendall said.

"Whatever, just take me home." he said. Kendall didn't know what else to say to him so he just nodded and drove him back to his house. Once they were parked outside Logan finally sat up and looked at him and Kendall saw that he was crying. There were tears streaked down his face.

Logan felt himself getting desperate. "What if I told you I loved you. Would that change anything?"

Kendall just stared down at his lap. Logan got frustrated. He just wanted Kendall to look at him.

He grabbed his face and pressed his lips hard against his just to see if he could get any kind of reaction out of him. But when he looked at his face he saw nothing. Kendall almost looked annoyed that he had kissed him.

Logan got out of the car and slammed the door shut. Then he ran up his driveway and into his house, tears still streaming down his face. Logan wanted to be mad at him and he wanted to hate him but he couldn't. Because he was more hurt than anything. What he really wanted was to run back to Kendall and beg for him to change his mind. To convince him to at least give him a chance to prove that he could be just as good for him as Jo was.

"Logan what's wrong?" James asked. He and Lucy both looked up at him, concerned, but Logan just ignored them and ran into his room and shut the door.

Logan fell onto his bed, sobbing quietly into his pillow. No more than ten seconds later he heard James entering the room. "What's wrong Logan?" he repeated. Logan sniffled and James carefully walked over to sit beside him on the bed. "Did you and Camille have a fight or something?"

Logan just nodded.

"Okay...well whatever it is I'm sure you'll work it out. You guys have been friends for a really long time..."James had a feeling it was more than just a fight with a Camille that was upsetting him. He hadn't seen him this upset since he found out his mom wasn't coming back. He sighed at how he was being given the silent treatment but he knew whatever it was he couldn't force it out of him.

"Do you need me to sit with you for a while?"

"What about Lucy?" Logan finally said.

"She's downstairs right now calling her mom to come pick her up. I told her it looked like you needed me."

Logan scooted over to him, curling up and resting his head in his lap. James wasn't sure what to do so he just sat with him for a few minutes and rubbed his back.

"I'm guessing you don't want to talk about it?" Logan shook his head. "Well Lucy'll be gone in a minute. And then we can go to the basement and play a video game or something."

Logan didn't say anything. But by then he was able to stop crying. He sat up and cleaned the tears off his face with the sleeve of his shirt.

"I think her mom's gonna be here soon so I'm gonna go tell her goodnight. I'll be right back." James stood up from the bed and walked to the door.

"James," he called out quietly, making him stop. "I'm gay."

James just paused with his hand on the doorknob. Then he slowly looked up at him and for a moment they just stared at each other. "Yeah, I know."

"You _know_?"

"I mean I always kind of figured. I'm not mad or anything. I'm just glad you finally told me."

Logan wasn't sure what emotions were running through his mind at the moment. It was either relief or gratitude, probably a mixture of both.

"Meet me downstairs in ten minutes okay?" James said.

"Okay."

* * *

**I feel like this wasn't the best chapter but I just wanted to hurry up and post it. **

**But I'm just curious do you guys hate Kendall now? It's okay if you hate him. He's kind of a jerkface.**

**Please tell me your thoughts!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Okay several things.**

**First, I got mixed reviews on the last chapter with some people siding with Kendall and some people siding with Logan and that makes me really happy.**

**For the person who asked, sorry I thought I made it clear. Kendall, James Jo and all their friends are all seniors so they're all 17 and Logan and Camille are freshman so they're both 14. I realize its kind of crazy that I made Logan so young. Maybe not physically but definitely emotionally he's too young to have a physical relationship with someone. And that's kind of the reason why, since a lot of you wondering, why he gets so obsessive so quickly and doesn't know how to handle it when Kendall rejects him. But also a lot of it is because of his childhood (which will be explained better later) and because of how he feels like he's losing James ever since he started dating Lucy.**

**For person who asked about Dak, yes but it probably won't happen the way you think ;)**

**I DONT OWN BTR.**

* * *

Logan sat absentmindedly pushing his food around on his plate with his fork. If he were to look to his right, maybe five or six tables over he would see the table where Kendall was sitting with his friends. He glanced over and saw that he had a book out in front of him, probably studying for a test.

Then Jo appeared beside him and he wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her down onto his lap. He whispered something in her ear that made her giggle and then he smiled and kissed her cheek. That was the moment that Logan decided he hated her. At least as much as he could hate a person without really knowing them.

"Okay who are you trying to kill with your mind..." Camille asked.

"Nobody," he muttered. He stopped glaring in their direction but Camille had already seen who he was looking at.

"I'm really sorry Logan."

"For what?"

"About Kendall. Maybe I shouldn't have pushed you so hard to go after him like I did... Kendall and Jo must be one of those annoying couples that break up and make up all the time but are never really not together."

Logan realized that maybe deep down he'd known this all along but acknowledging it didn't exactly make him feel better. For the past few days Logan hadn't been feeling well at all. It started with a queasy stomach that seemed to come at the most inopportune times, like whenever he tried to eat. And then other times it would be headaches made worse by the phone ringing constantly thanks to whoever was prank calling their house. Logan didn't know why he was the only one in their house who seemed bothered by it but it was starting to drive him crazy.

"Well it's not your fault," he said. "Hey do you want my cake?"

"Sure. Are you sure you don't want it?"

Logan shook his head and pushed his tray over to her. "I kinda lost my appetite."

"Logan you don't look so good... Maybe you should go see the nurse."

Logan was about to object but just as she said it he felt a wave of nausea come over him and all of a sudden it felt like everything he'd eaten that morning was about to come back up again. He quickly stood up to rush off to the bathroom. "Logan wait!" he heard Camille call after him.

Logan hurried into the bathroom, grateful that it was empty and rushed into one of the stalls, then proceeded to empty the contents of his stomach into the toilet.

He groaned and sat on the ground, leaning back against the stall. "Logan?" he heard Camille call out. And then she appeared in front of him. "Are you okay?"

"Camille you can't be in here. This is the boys' room."

"Actually, this is the girls' room... I tried to stop you."

Logan looked around and realized she was right. He'd accidentally ran into the wrong room. That explained the tampon dispenser. "Oh...great."

"It's okay I blocked the door," she said, kneeling down beside him.

Logan realized it was probably gross to be sitting on the floor of a bathroom, but he just needed to collect himself after puking his guts out. Luckily he had a friend like Camille who didn't mind sitting with him. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"If I wasn't gay and you and I weren't best friends...would you want to be with me?"

Camille laughed. "Why would you even ask me a question like that? Of course I would. You're adorable." She reached over pinched his cheek and Logan couldn't help but smile, for the first time that day.

"Are you asking me because of Kendall?"

He frowned. "I just don't get what went wrong. Why he doesn't want to be with me even after everything."

"Maybe it really was just a kiss and you read too much into it," she suggested.

"It wasn't just a kiss Camille," he said.

"Well, yeah not to you but-"

"No, I mean we didn't just kiss. I lied."

"What do you mean?"

Logan was tired of keeping it a secret. He didn't think it mattered anymore. "We sort of had sex..." When Camille didn't really react at first he thought it was because she didn't believe him. He probably wouldn't have been surprised if she didn't believe him. "Please say something."

Finally she said, "How could you not tell me?"

"I'm telling you now?"

"I'm sorry I'm just...shocked," she said. "Well I guess Kendall really is a jerk then."

Even though Logan felt inclined to agree with her it didn't really make him any less sad. "I love him, Camille."

"Are you sure? I mean I thought the same thing too about whatshisface but then I got over him."

"That was different...You should have seen the way he looked at me. And the way he held me afterwards and how he kissed me. I think he felt something for me too. He just wants to be with Jo because he thinks he's supposed to."

"So what are you gonna do?"

"I just have to talk to him and get him to give me a chance."

Camille felt his cheeks and put the back of her hand against his forehead. "Logan you're burning up."

"Are you trying to say I'm delusional?"

"No, I mean you're actually burning up. Come on I'm taking you to the nurse."

Camille grabbed his arm and helped him stand and he realized he felt a little lightheaded. Once he got to the nurse's office he found out he had a temperature of 101, which meant that he needed to go home. Brooke ended up having to leave work early to come pick him up and take care of him.

When Logan got home he was immediately told he was on bed rest. Meaning he wasn't allowed to leave his room at least until his fever broke. Logan was fine with it at first since he was able to sleep through most of the rest of the day. But then he woke up and after while he got extremely bored. He didn't really feel any better but he was sick of being in his house. And he couldn't stop thinking about Kendall. Being stuck in his room with nothing to distract him meant that pretty much all he had to do was think about Kendall. He just needed to talk to him again, maybe one more time to give himself some peace of mind.

Logan waited until it got late. When he was sure James was in his room busy doing homework and Brooke was in a different part of the house where she wouldn't see him leave. He snuck downstairs making sure to leave his light off and shut his door so they would think he was still asleep. Then he put on his coat and ran out the door.

* * *

Kendall hated working at Lucky Mart. Putting labels on canned food, stocking shelves and pushing carts definitely wasn't what he wanted to be doing for the rest of his life. But his manager expected him to do it at all with a smile and a friendly attitude like it was his dream to be a Lucky Mart stockboy. In reality Kendall's dreams went way beyond that, beyond Minnesota even. He couldn't wait to get out of there and finally be able to do something with his life. For him graduation couldn't come soon enough.

He just wanted to be great at something, though at what he wasn't quite sure yet. Maybe he wanted to be great at everything. He realized he had a lot riding on this scholarship and the speech he was supposed to give that he'd honestly written in ten minutes, on what it means to be an American. Kendall wasn't sure he knew what it meant to be an American any better than any of his fellow classmates did. But at the very least he knew how to write a decent speech and he knew he'd made it sound good. But while he was pretty confident he was gonna get it, a part of him had to wonder what would happen if he didn't and all of his plans just fell through.

But no, he couldn't afford to think like that. In less than eight months from now he would be moving to California and Jo would possibly be going with him. He could admit that as much as he liked to talk big about how badly he wanted to leave Minnesota there was a part of him that was a little nervous about just picking up and leaving on his own, and was a bit comforted by the idea that Jo would be with him.

Kendall thought about his future the most whenever he was stuck working late, stocking the shelves. Tonight wasn't any different. But in the middle of stacking his cans he was interrupted when he looked up and saw the young brunette boy who he thought he had ended things with two nights ago. "Logan...What are you doing here?"

He looked nervous like he didn't even know what he was doing there. "Um, I overheard James say you worked here once. Are you busy?"

"Yeah..working_._"

"Right..."

Kendall sighed. "I get off in ten minutes. Wait for me up front okay?"

Logan nodded and walked away presumably to do what he was told. Kendall felt he should have been more annoyed because this was honestly the last thing he wanted to deal with right now. But he couldn't even blame Logan anymore. A part of him knew that this was all his own fault. Someone used to tell him all the time (he's pretty sure it was Mercedes) that his own dick was going to get him in trouble one of these days. Maybe he should have listened to her.

Kendall had gone through things like this before where he'd have to let people down easy who thought that just because they'd slept together it meant that they had some sort of special connection. It definitely wasn't his favorite thing in the world to do, but for some reason letting down Logan had been particularly hard for him. He didn't like seeing Logan cry the way he did. And afterwards it felt like he had just kicked a puppy or something. But he knew it was the only way he could get his point across, by being brutally honest. It wouldn't do him any good to give him false hope or to baby him like he was sure most people had been doing for the majority of his life.

After he finished clocking out he met Logan out front where he was waiting for him and then they walked outside to his car. He noticed Logan didn't exactly look too well but he didn't say anything.

"So I told my brother the truth about me. And you were right," Logan said suddenly.

"Oh...good. Is that what you came all the way down here to tell me?"

"I just wanted to talk to you..."

"Logan, I meant what I said. There can't be anything between us now. That means you can't show up at my work or follow me around."

"So we can't even be friends?" he asked.

"Do you honestly want to be friends with me?"

Logan took a moment to think about it. "No... I kind of hate you actually."

Kendall sighed. He wasn't gonna let himself be bothered by that. It was probably better if he hated him. "I'm gonna take you home now okay?"

Logan didn't say anything. He turned away from him and stared out the window while Kendall started the car and drove the few blocks back to his house. Logan was being so quiet Kendall was worried he might have started crying again. But once they parked he said, "Don't worry, I'm not crying," as if he'd just read his mind.

"Did you honestly feel nothing at all when we were together? Not even when we kissed and stuff?" Logan asked.

Kendall sighed again, trying to figure out the best way to put this. "Look it was...nice. It wasn't completely meaningless but it wasn't what you thought it was."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning we're not in love. Think about it Logan, we barely even know each other."

"That's not true."

"In a couple of years from now none of this will even matter. In five years tops you won't even remember me."

"Then what am I supposed to do until then?" he asked.

Kendall shrugged "Just date someone else. You already told James the truth so it's not like you have to hide who you are anymore," Kendall told him. He knew that was the only way Logan would get over him.

Logan rolled his eyes, unwilling to except that as a solution. He didn't think it was that easy. Then he got out of the car and shut the door without saying goodbye. But even though he'd done a better job of keeping himself together this time, his heart still hurt just as much as it did the night before. Maybe even more since Kendall had made it clear that it really was over between the two of them. But he at least took comfort in the fact that he didn't cry this time.

* * *

Logan was fully prepared that he was about to get yelled at as soon as stepped in his house. Unless by some miracle he managed to sneak back into his room unnoticed.

James was waiting on the couch as soon as he stepped inside. "Where've you been?"

"I just needed to get some air," Logan said, taking off his coat. "Please don't yell. My head is killing me."

"Yeah no kidding. It's below 30 outside Logan. Are you trying to catch pneumonia?"

"It was just for a second. I didn't even go that far," he said. He sat down on the couch realizing just how tired he really was.

"But you're sick Logan. You can't just leave without telling anyone."

"I know, mom."

"And you need to take your flu medicine."

Logan pulled a face. "I'd rather not. That stuff doesn't taste like grape. It tastes like poison."

"Do you realize there are kids in third world countries who would love to have access to cold and flu medicine and you're complaining because it doesn't taste good? Do you even watch any of your dad's documentaries?"

"Speaking of your father I've got good news," Brooke said, suddenly entering the room. "I just got off of a skype call with him. He sends his love and he says he misses you both very much. And he's coming home soon."

"He is? When's he coming?" Logan asked.

"Two weeks from tomorrow...Logan what are you doing out of your room?"

"Uhh," Logan looked at James, silently begging him not to tell on him. "I just wanted to hang out with James."

"Well you need to get back to bed. But take your medicine first," she said.

"He's not gonna take it. He's being a brat," James said and Logan glared at him.

"Do I have to go back to bed? I've been sleeping all day. I'm not even tired."

"Sorry, it's not up for negotiations Logan," she said.

"But I'll die of boredom."

Brooke sighed. "Fine then James will move the TV out of the guest room and put it in your room," she said, and then she left the room before James could protest because as far as she was concerned she'd just solved the problem and there was no room for arguments.

Logan went upstairs to get cleaned up in the bathroom and then put on his pajamas. James wheeled the TV into his room in front of his bed. "There you go. And here is every Star Wars movie ever made," he said putting a stack of DVDs on his nightstand. "I hope you appreciate how spoiled you are."

Logan just nodded absentmindedly. "Thanks."

After James left him alone, he fell asleep halfway through his first movie. But not before he remembered he still had Kendall's shirt hidden underneath his pillow. He thought about giving it back to him or maybe burning it in a fire or throwing it away. But in the end he decided to just keep it. He didn't care what Kendall said about how five years from now none of this would even matter. He knew no matter what he would never be able to forget Kendall and what happened between them. He wasn't even sure he wanted to.

Logan wanted to know who it was who kept calling their house at odd times during the day. He woke up again that night to the sound of the phone ringing off the hook. His first thought was that it might have been his dad calling. Right now it was 7 a.m. in Africa but it was 1 in the morning in the U.S. so he wouldn't have been calling unless it was some kind of emergency. Logan decided to get up and see who it was anyway.

He began to dismiss the idea that it was just a prank caller this whole time. It could have been anyone. It could have been the president calling. It could have been space aliens. It could have been his mom calling.

Logan felt his heart speed up as crept through the hallways quickly to where the landline was. "Hello?" he tried.

Nothing.

"Dad?"

Still nothing.

"Mom?" he whispered.

There was static on the other end and then he was met with a dial tone.

Logan sighed, hung up and went back to bed.

* * *

**This chapter was kind of fillerish. Not much happened but I promise there is more to come. Reviews are always loved :)**


	8. Chapter 8

Kendall didn't want to feel guilty about Logan anymore. He found the only way he could avoid feeling guilty was to avoid Logan completely. So far it had been easy since from what he could tell the boy hadn't been to school in the past three days. But now that he was back he seemed so miserable it was almost difficult to look at him.

He just thought that Logan looked his best when he was happy. He knew the only way they would both be able to move on was if Logan would just date someone else.

Kendall wondered how after two years of being on the same hockey team with him he'd never gotten the memo that Dak Zevon was gay. He thought he'd already hooked up with all of the decent looking guys in their school but somehow he'd missed out on Dak. Kendall knew that Dak was one of those really nice guys. He was almost too nice to be a hockey player. He figured Dak would be nice enough to actually want to date someone and do all that romantic crap Logan probably wanted. Plus he was a junior so he was at least closer to Logan's grade level.

"Hey Dak," he called out when he spotted him. Dak paused on his way to class and turned around. "How's it going?"

"Um, alright I guess," he said.

"Got any plans this weekend?"

"I don't know I might order a movie on Netflix."

"What no hot date planned?"

Dak had started walking again but he slowed to look at Kendall. "No..not recently."

"So you're not seeing anybody then?"

Dak stopped completely and quirked an eyebrow. "Are you trying to ask me out on a date Knight?"

Kendall smiled at him. "Don't be silly Dak. We're teammates. That could never work."

"Right.."

"I was just thinking you and Logan might be good together. Logan Mitchell," he clarified.

"The freshman?"

"Yeah...he wanted me to find out if you were interested. So are you?"

"I don't know... he's cute I guess. But he's kinda young," he said. Dak appeared to be actually considering it but then he shook his head. "Nah, no way."

"Why not?"

"Because James'll have my balls."

Kendall didn't get why everyone was so afraid of James. But then again he could see why Dak would be worried since James did have some kind of authority over him. He was their team captain so if he wanted to he could make Dak do a hundred suicides without a break just for the hell of it.

"Don't worry about James...I could talk to him if you want."

"You'd do that?" Dak said, looking skeptical.

"Sure."

"And Logan really wants me to ask him out?"

"Yeah, he's kinda shy though. Like really shy, so he might seem put off at first. Just don't mention anything about me talking to you. He's really nervous about the whole thing."

"Alright, fine. And you'll talk to James?"

"Yes, I'll talk to him. Look, there he is. Hey James!" he called out.

James was walking with Lucy and they both stopped once they heard his name and walked over to Kendall and Dak.

"What's up?" James asked.

"Nothing, Dak just wants to ask you a question," Kendall said.

Dak looked back and forth between Kendall and James. Kendall nodded at him and James stared. "Uh, well the thing is...I was thinking that Logan might like to go out with me sometime. I was gonna ask him out..."

James seemed confused by the suggestion, like he wasn't expecting it. "Why?"

"Why do I want to go out with him?"

"Yeah, and why should I let you."

"Because he seems nice?" Dak tried. "And because you know me...and I know you. So I know what'll happen if I ever do anything to hurt him."

James seemed to deem this an acceptable answer but he didn't respond right away. Everyone just stood waiting to hear what he was gonna say. Kendall eventually rolled his eyes. The suspense was truly killing him.

"Good answer but no," he said. "He's too young to date."

"Um, excuse me, James knows he doesn't get to decide that," Lucy said, intervening and pulling him aside. "James you know you're being ridiculous. How old were you when you first started dating?"

"That is irrelevant."

"How is it any different? You're only acting this way because Logan's gay."

"Well, that's because I know how guys are. No offense Dak."

"But Logan is a guy..." she said.

"But he's young. And he trusts people too easily. You don't get it."

Lucy sighed. "James it's sweet that you want to protect him but you know you're being unreasonable. You said it yourself that Logan's been really down lately. Maybe this'll help cheer him up. And besides, Dak is totally harmless."

James looked at Dak who smiled at him somewhat awkwardly. "Fine," he relented."You can ask him out or whatever. If he says yes, just know that his curfew is at 10 o'clock, 11 o'clock on weekends. If he breaks it I'm holding you accountable."

"Okay, got it," Dak said.

James clapped Dak on the back, maybe a bit harder than necessary and Dak flinched. After he and Lucy walked away Dak turned to Kendall and glared.

"What? I thought that went well," Kendall muttered.

* * *

Kendall could at least feel as if he'd done Logan a favor now. During lunch he figured would be the time when Dak would ask him out. So he sat at his usual table with Jo and he watched while something he had taken the time out of his day to set up was put into motion. He told himself that this was for the best, that Logan would be happier with someone like Dak. Someone he was sure would be able to give Logan what he wanted, because Kendall was fairly certain that _he_ couldn't.

Whenever Kendall thought about Logan he remembered the time he'd gone to the park with his younger sister when they were kids. And Katie had found a baby duckling underneath the slide that had gotten separated from its family. It was so small, no bigger than the palm of his hand, and so defenseless and scared. It immediately latched onto the first thing to hold it and show it kindness. He remembered Katie had wanted to take it home and keep it but they ended up bringing it to an animal shelter.

Baby animals were prone to being very possessive and believing the first person they see to be its mother. That was kind of what Logan reminded him of sometimes. The boy was too clingy for his own good. Kendall imagined if he didn't get rid of him now, Logan might try to follow him around forever. That night he'd showed up at the store looking for him he'd just looked so lost, like he needed Kendall and didn't know what to do without him. That thought alone was frightening enough to Kendall, the idea that he could be needed by someone. Kendall was certain he wouldn't be able to give Logan whatever it was that he needed. He didn't think he was built that way.

The only person he'd truly ever really known how to take care of was himself. He knew that because he'd been doing it long enough, ever since he was able to. But he couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if he had just taken the boy out on a date like he wanted him to. Would it have really been so horrible? Probably not. Logan would probably be overjoyed if it were him rather than Dak who was asking him out right now. But could he really picture the two of them as a couple? What would they even do together? Go to mall and walk around holding hands, hang out at the arcade?

He supposed it didn't matter. Maybe now he'd never know because Dak was asking him out and from the looks of it Logan was saying yes. Kendall watched as Dak approached him and how confused Logan looked while he was talking to him, like he was so surprised that Dak would even want to date him. Probably that anyone would want to date him. That was another thing Kendall couldn't understand. Logan didn't seem to get that he was actually good-looking and smart, and if he just knew how to own it he could have anyone he wanted.

"What are you staring at?" Jo asked.

"Nothing," he said. It had taken him a moment to even realize she was talking to him. "I was just curious."

"About what?"

"Since when are you and Dak friends?"

She looked at him. "I don't know, since this year."

"I just didn't know you associated with people like him."

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean, Jo."

"Kendall, I've changed a lot since the last time we broke up. I'm not the same girl I was when we first started dating," she told him.

Kendall could see how that was true since she was probably the most sheltered person he'd ever met when they first got together, thanks to her freakish religious parents. But he'd always kind of liked that about her. And anyway it wasn't really her fault.

"I've learned that I can't force my beliefs on other people," she continued. "And besides, Dak is really nice and he's got a great voice. He's playing the male lead in _Aida _for this year's musical."

"Oh, cool."

"Speaking of the musical...you're coming to our drama club meeting next Tuesday to help out right?" she asked.

"I guess so."

"What do you mean you guess?"

"Jo how am I supposed to know what I'm doing three days from now?"

"Kendall, you promised!"

"I'm kidding," he said, putting his arms around her. He smirked at her. "Stop pouting," he said, even though she was cute when she pouted.

* * *

Logan was extremely nervous before his date with Dak. He tried on three different outfits before he decided to go with a light blue button down collared shirt, a pair of black jeans and a pair of dark boots. He tried putting some of James' product in his hair but he ended up washing it out once he realized he had no idea what he was doing.

He kept telling himself not be nervous, at least not for the first half of the date. Since from what Dak had told him they would be going to see a movie first, then afterwards they'd probably get a bite to eat. But the whole date idea had come as such a surprise to him and he didn't know what to expect. He didn't even know who Dak Zevon was before the day they met. When he asked him out he was completely caught off guard, but in the moment he could practically feel Camille wanting to squeal behind him, silently urging him to say yes and Dak obviously wanted him to say yes, so in the end he just said yes.

Logan was for once glad that James wasn't home on the night of his date. Because he knew the older boy would find some way to embarrass him, god forbid he attempt some intimidating older brother routine. Logan decided he wanted this night to go well. It was his first date after all and he wanted to remember it fondly.

Dak showed up at exactly 6 pm like he said he would and he even called fifteen minutes ahead of time to make sure Logan would be ready. Logan could tell right away that Dak was what one might call a gentleman. He opened doors for him and when they got to the theatre he paid for their tickets and their popcorn and drinks.

The movie turned out to be really boring, at least to Logan. He'd let Dak pick it out and they ended up at some indie movie with a car on the poster that was being advertised as an action film. But there wasn't much action, just a lot of driving. Supposedly it was all symbolic, but Logan still didn't get it even after Dak tried to explain it to him. Logan just wanted to watch something blow up or at the very least see something with an attractive male lead.

Dak really was handsome. Logan was almost the same height as him so Dak didn't tower over him like Kendall did. His eyes were blue, not green, and his hair was short and brown, not the blonde tuggable locks Kendall sported. Dak had perfect teeth, Logan noticed. He liked to stare at them whenever he talked. After their movie they went to a diner to get something to eat and get to know each other better. Logan wasn't very good at small talk, especially with people he didn't know well, so Dak did most of the talking and Logan just listened. He told him about how much he loved musicals and theatre and about all the summers he spent in New York with relatives watching plays on Broadway. Logan had never taken much of an interest in theatre before but he liked listening to Dak talk about it.

After their date was over and Dak was walking him to his doorstep, Logan hoped he would kiss him goodnight. He thought that maybe if Dak kissed him he would feel something, like a spark, and just like that he would fall in love with him and most importantly, fall _out_ of love with Kendall. But it didn't quite happen that way.

When they were standing outside his door Logan thanked him for taking him out and told him he had a nice time. Dak smiled and he leaned in and Logan felt his heart speed up in his chest. Then he felt Dak's lips against his cheek and he pulled back. That was it.

After Logan went inside he began to worry that maybe Dak didn't like him and that was why he didn't want to kiss him. But Dak ended up calling him that night and asking him if he wanted to go out again. And on their second date things went similarly. Dak walked him to the door, them holding hands the whole time, and then Dak leaned in and kissed him...on the forehead.

A real kiss wouldn't happen until their third date and only because Logan initiated it. They were sitting in Dak's car parked outside his house after seeing another movie.

"So how did you like it?" Dak asked.

"It was alright I guess. I liked it better than the first one. Can I pick the movie next time?"

"Sure Logan," he said smiling. "Well, I'd better get you inside. I'll walk you to the door."

"Wait," he said, grabbing his arm and stopping him before he could get out of the car. Logan leaned forward, quickly before he lost his nerve, and kissed him.

Dak seemed surprised at first but he didn't push him away. So Logan put more into the kiss, parting his lips so their tongues and teeth could clash together. He pulled Dak closer, massaging his tongue with his, smirking when he heard a light groan escape his throat. Logan reached for his belt buckle.

"Whoa," Dak said, grabbing his hands.

"What's wrong?" Logan asked.

"You, uh, like to move kinda fast don't you."

Logan sat back and sighed. "Don't you want to kiss me? Or do anything at all? I thought you liked me."

"I do Logan, I just think we should take things slow. There's no need to rush into anything."

Logan furrowed his brows. He didn't understand why but the idea seemed so strange to him. But if it was what Dak wanted.. "Okay, I guess."

"It's already past ten. You'd better get inside," Dak said.

"How do you know what time my curfew is?" he asked.

"I just figured..." he said. "Hey, I'll call you later on when I get home."

Logan nodded and got out of the car to walk himself to his door. He started thinking though, that the only way Dak could've know that was if somebody had told him. Logan hadn't told him so the only other person who could've told him was James. For some reason that pissed him off more than anything. The reason Dak didn't want to kiss him was probably because he was terrified of his brother.

Logan was sick of being treated like a child all of the time. He was sick of feeling like he could never take care of himself. The only person who had never made him feel that way was Kendall. Kendall had never been afraid to touch him. Logan remembered how he'd kissed him, pushing him up against the side of his car. All the times they'd touched, and how he'd made him feel things with his hands, with his mouth...

Logan shuddered when he thought about it. But that night he did his best to push Kendall out of his mind and go to sleep.

* * *

That night Logan had wanted to confront James about meddling in his life, but James was in a weird mood when he got home. He was being moody and quiet, barely acknowledging Logan. James never usually acted standoffish towards Logan, ever, so whatever was wrong must have been really serious. In the morning when he woke up to get ready for school James was already gone; he didn't even wait to see if Logan wanted a ride. Logan figured that whatever was wrong probably had to do with him and Lucy and maybe it was better if he didn't get involved.

After school he ended up staying behind with one of his teachers to finish working on a paper. Afterwards, on his way to catch the activities bus he bumped into Jo. Or rather she bumped into him. And then blocked him when he tried to get past her.

"Hey, it's Logan right?"

For a moment he just stared at her stupidly, with a deer-in-the-headlights expression, half expecting her to start screaming at him for screwing her boyfriend.

"Where are you headed?" she asked.

"I was just about to catch the bus," he mumbled.

"Oh well there's another one you can catch in an hour and a half if you're not busy. We're supposed to be having a meeting for the drama club but only two people showed."

"You want me to come?"

"Would you mind? We could really use some extra hands," she asked, peering at him hopefully.

Somehow, Logan noticed, Jo was even prettier up close. Her blonde, perfectly curled hair looked even blonder and shinier and she smelled really nice, like vanilla candy. Even though he would have rathered done anything else, he found himself unable to say no to her. And in a way he felt that he was obligated to help since his boyfriend was one of the lead roles in the play. He figured that Jo probably knew that and that was why she asked. "Sure...why not."

Jo smiled at him and linked her arm around his to lead him to a room where two other girls were sitting together at a table. "Logan this is Jennifer and Jennifer," she said gesturing to each girl. "Guys this is Logan. He's gonna be helping today."

Logan waved and they both said "Hi."

Jo explained to him that they were gonna be finishing the costumes and they just needed someone to make a flyer advertising the play so they could make copies and put them up around school. "It doesn't have to be super fancy. Just make sure the name of the play and the actors are in big letters. And include the date, location, etc," she said, writing all the information down on a sticky note and then she handed it to him along with a marker pen and several sheets of paper.

"Okay, I'll try. I'm not much of an artist though."

Jo smiled. "Don't worry, we have faith in you. And thanks again for doing this," she said.

Logan nodded, smiling politely before getting to work.

"I thought Kendall was supposed to come help?" One of the Jennifers asked.

"He is but he's nowhere to be found. I tried texting him and everything," Jo said.

"Sweetie, maybe it's time you shortened the leash a bit..." Curly-haired Jennifer said.

Jo sighed. "You guys have no idea. A month ago he would have done anything I told him to. I never should have told him about that stupid thing with James."

"Well you were trying to do the right thing. That's understandable."

Logan glanced up at the mention of brother's name and he and Jo locked eyes briefly. "Sorry Logan, you probably don't want to hear about my boring relationship drama."

"No it's fine," Logan said quickly. "Maybe I could offer some advice. I mean I'm gay, we practically live for this stuff."

Jo giggled. "Okay...well Kendall and I just got back together after I did something really stupid. But it was only because he cheated on me first."

"He cheated on you?"

"It was one time and he still denies it happened but I know he did. The girl he hooked up with was a huge slut."

For some reason Logan didn't really find it all that surprising that Kendall had done that. He was more surprised that she had taken him back afterwards. But then he started to feel majorly guilty, because whether or not what he had done with Kendall counted as cheating, he knew that there was no way Kendall had told her about it.

"Anyway, I thought things would be different now after we got back together. Am I wrong for expecting so much of him?" she asked.

"Of course not. If he cares about you and respects you, he should want to do things to make you happy. He should know what's expected of him. You shouldn't even have to tell him," Logan said.

Both of the Jennifers nodded in agreement.

"I think you might be right..." Jo said.

"And for the record, he had no right to get mad at you over whatever you did if you actually took him back after he cheated on you. I mean he can't expect you to be perfect when it's clear that he's not either."

"I thought the same thing, I just didn't want to say anything," interjected blonde Jennifer.

Just then Kendall entered the room, pausing once he realized all eyes were on him.

"Sorry I'm late, Coach called a meeting and he wouldn't let us leave. So what'd I miss?"

"Everything," Jo said, rolling her eyes. "You might as well have not shown up at all."

Kendall looked at her, confused, and even more confused when he saw Logan sitting at the table. "It wasn't my fault."

Jo ignored him and turned to Logan. "Logan, you should think about joining the drama club full time. We could always use more people, especially now since we're opening in two weeks."

"Sure, sounds like fun," he said.

"Great. We normally meet on Tuesdays and Thursdays but since we're opening soon we'll be meeting everyday this week and next week."

"Okay," Logan nodded.

"Come on Jennifer, we need to make sure Jennifer can fit into her dress." She turned to Kendall one last time. "Kendall, just stay here with Logan and help him with the flyers."

Kendall watched the three girls leave the room and then he looked at Logan who was sitting at the table, staring up at him with feigned innocence. "Hey," the younger boy greeted casually.

"Don't 'hey' me. How'd you know I'd be here? Are you stalking me now?"

"Not everything I do revolves around you Kendall, though I can see how you'd be conceited enough to think that."

"Then what the fuck are you doing here?" he asked. Despite everything he had done to solve his Logan problem, the boy still kept popping up everywhere Kendall went.

"I'm only here because Jo asked me for help. If _you_ had showed up on time I wouldn't even be here. Trust me, I don't like it anymore than you do."

"Well you could've just said no." Kendall said, taking a seat across from him.

Logan shrugged. "I was being nice."

"So what are you and Jo like friends now? Don't you find that weird at all?"

"Do you think it's weird?"

Kendall thought about it. "I guess not...since you're with Dak now," he decided.

Logan looked away from him and stared down at his paper. For some reason he really didn't want to talk about Dak with Kendall. But Kendall seemed to be able to sense that so of course he pressed on.

"So how's that going?" Kendall asked.

"It's fine," he said.

"You should be proud of yourself. Dak's pretty hot."

Logan shrugged. "He's alright I guess."

"I bet he's a really good kisser," Kendall said.

Logan opened his mouth to respond but then he shut it when nothing came out. He felt his face heat up all the way to the back of his ears. "Why do you insist on doing that."

"Doing what?"

"Trying to make me blush.."

Kendall smiled and shrugged. "I don't know, because it's so easy. And I like seeing you all flustered."

"Please stop," Logan said. If he didn't know any better he'd say that Kendall was flirting with him, but it felt more like he was just messing with him. "Anyway does your girlfriend know that you do that?"

"What?"

"Well that you're gay. Or half gay or whatever."

"What would I tell her that for?"

"Because she's your girlfriend," Logan said, though he realized that maybe that was more of a reason not to tell.

Kendall snorted. "Jo doesn't even like it when I curse around her. I don't need her throwing her bible at me over the fact that I like dick too."

Logan paused his drawing to look at him. "She didn't seem to care that I'm gay," he pointed out.

"Maybe not to your face," Kendall retorted.

"But I don't get it...she seems so nice."

"She is, but she's also brainwashed. Don't you know who her father is?"

"Mayor Taylor?"

"Yup, he's a fag hater. You didn't hear that from me though."

Logan frowned. He didn't want to believe something like that. "But he's the mayor."

"The world has no shortage of bigots, Logan. Especially here," Kendall said. It was part of the reason he wanted to leave so badly.

"And you're not just saying that because you don't want me hanging around Jo?"

"No, I'm saying it because it's the truth," Kendall said. Maybe he was exaggerating a little bit, but there was some truth to what he was saying. He knew Jo better than anyone and as pretty and sweet as she was on the outside, he knew that she could be really frigid and bitchy when she wanted to be. It was probably best for Logan's sake that he didn't hang out with her. The boy didn't need to spend so much time hanging around girls like her and the Jennifers anyway.

"Why would you even want to be with someone like that then?" Logan asked.

"Because it's not her fault. You can't help who your parents are."

"But she has her own mind and her own thoughts. She can form her own opinions."

"Logan, whether anyone wants to believe it or not, we all grow up to be our parents eventually," he said. Kendall knew this because while he was sure he'd gotten most of his good qualities like his independence and his strong work ethic from his mother, he was sure that his desperate desire to travel, go out and see the world he'd gotten from his father, which he figured explained why he hadn't seen the man in eleven years.

Logan glanced up just as Dak entered the room. "Hey Logan... What are you doing here?" he asked.

Logan forced a smile onto his face. "Um, I decided to join the drama club... Are you surprised?"

"Yeah that's great," Dak grinned and leaned down to peck him on the cheek. Then he looked at Kendall who nodded at him.

"We were just talking about you, Dakman" Kendall said.

"You were? Where's everybody else?" Dak asked.

Logan stood up quickly. "Jo and Jennifer are trying on costumes I think. But we're pretty much done here. Would you mind giving me a ride home?" he asked him. It was awkward enough for him just talking to Kendall about Dak, so he was sure sitting in a room with the two of them together would be twice as awkward.

"Okay," Dak said.

Logan gathered his things and handed Kendall the flyers. "You don't mind finishing these do you?"

Logan didn't really give Kendall a chance to respond. He just grabbed Dak's hand and dragged him out the door.

Kendall just smirked and shook his head while the boy rushed out the door.

* * *

**So this was the longest chapter I've written so far. It was originally gonna be a lot shorter but it was taking me so long to write I decided to just put everything in this chapter so when I finally updated I'd have a really long chapter for you guys :P**

**Not much else to say, just hopefully the next update doesn't take me this long. And next chapter might be a kogan chapter but with lots and lots of angst...**

**Please leave a review! They make me happy :)**


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